The Hand of Yid: Defoe cheats to see Spurs through. You just can't deny it.

After the Hand of God and the Hand of Frog, it would be deeply unfair to ignore the latest great footballing injustice: The Hand of Yid.

Look, there’s no denying it. Just because he’s a lovable little Englishman, Jermain Defoe can’t be allowed to get away with the blatant handball which turned last night’s Champions League qualifier Tottenham’s way at White Hart Lane. It’s cheating. It’s wrong. UEFA should look at the tapes and punish both the player and the club.

Isn’t that what we English cry whenever Johnny Foreigner uses a hand to gain advantage?

Argentina’s Diego Maradona has never been forgiven for punching one in against England in 1986, Frenchman Thierry Henry is still roundly condemned for his basketballing antics against Ireland in last year’s World Cup play-off and Luis Suarez was castigated (but not castrated) for briefly becoming an extra goalkeeper when Uruguay scraped through their quarter-final against Ghana at the World Cup in July.

Throw them out, we cried. Ban them forever, the headlines proclaimed.

So why should Defoe’s cheating be treated any differently? Can you imagine if the boot had been on the other erm... hand? Spurs fans, who like to call themselves Yids in the club’s faintly self-parodying Jewish tradition, love to complain. Ever since the double in 1961, they’ve been going on and on. Their manager, Harry Redknapp, never has enough over-paid players and always has more traumatised injury victims that an episode of Casualty.

I say it’s time for neutrality, since we’re dealing with the harmless (and armless) Swiss. Imagine how Young Boys, 3-2 after up the first leg in Bern, must have felt with that lucrative place in the group stages at stake? Peter Crouch headed the opener to level the “£20million” tie after just five minutes, then Defoe committed his unforgiveable sin.

With the ball dropping behind him, the 5ft 7in mini-dynamo clearly controlled the ball with the crook of his left arm before turning neatly past protesting Swiss defenders to slot home the winner. Great finish, clear handball.

Crouch made it 3-1 after an hour (5-3 on aggregate), and Defoe then found himself substituted while goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes, who had been begging to be subbed after an early injury, was left out in the rain by boss Redknapp. Curious.

Crouch was given the ball when the ever-impressive Gareth Bale was brought down in the box with ten minutes left, and duly scored his third – only the second European Cup hat-trick in Tottenham’s history.

But to focus on Crouch’s scoring ability – on and off the field – would be to miss the point.

Defoe did his best to explain away the use of his arm in scoring, and the guilty look before he commenced celebrating his goal. He said: "There may have been a bit of an arm, but you take them all. I did have a glance at the referee." With the ref, linesman and new-fangled “sixth official” next to the goal all missing his one-armed banditry, Defoe had little choice but to grin sheepishly at the post-match cameras. Before the game of course,

Defoe had let it be known he needed a hernia operation (he will have surgery tomorrow and misses England’s first two Euro 2012 qualifiers against Bulgarlia and Switzerland) but was prepared to play through the pain against Young Boys. He added: "Everyone wants to play in the Champions League. On Tuesday nights, you don't want to be at home watching Eastenders.”

But Spurs provided the soap opera moments in the teeming rain of north London last night. The little sinner, the cockney market trader shouting the odds from the sidelines, the massed ranks of anxious extras... and a starring role for the the lanky bloke caught in the love triangle. It was all there, complete with the fairy-tale ending.

It's Argentina v Germany in Cape Town and the real World Cup may start right here

Just down the road from me at the Velmore Estate, the Germans have left for Cape Town and their biggest challenge of this World Cup. Argentina in the quarter-final at Green Point on Saturday. Some game.

In 1986 and 1990, these two old rivals contested the final. Germany won a forgettable showdown 1-0 in Rome amid much referee-pushing and controversy.

This World Cup can’t afford another debacle like that. Too many games – Spain’s tired win over Portugal, Paraguay’s penalty shoot-out defeat of Japan – have left fans hoping for better.

I think they are be about to see that as the quarter-finals roll out across South Africa.

The Germans, normally such thorough planners, have had a few set-backs here. First came news that their luxurious Velmore base near remote Erasmia had no planning permission and had been built on the Hennops River flood plain.

They got over that, settled in... and crushed Australia 4-0 in their opening game. But then came a shocking 1-0 defeat against stubborn Serbia and everything was back in the balance. Their final group win over Ghana sent them through as Group D winners against Group C runners-up England.

A cracking 4-1 win dismantled the old enemy, with Wayne Rooney and Co travelling home in disgrace after “that” goal from Frank Lampard was disallowed, in the style of 1966.

And now the German’s topsy-turvy campaign moves to Cape Town, 1,000 miles south, a two-hour flight... where they must meet Argentina, who boast perhaps the most talented squad at this World Cup.

Argentina have been preparing about 20 miles away at Pretoria University’s High Performance Centre. South Africa’s administrative capital has been buzzing with Argentines for three weeks now. They’re everywhere, lapping up the South Africa experience.

And while England, France and Italy went home under a cloud, the atmosphere under the slightly crazy Diego Maradona has been awesome. At the end of every training session, dodgy Diego lines up his five-a-side losers and allows his victors to pelt their victims proffered bottoms with a firmly struck Jabulani.

It may be a super light World Cup ball, but boy it can sting. But cigar-puffing Maradona’s levity appears to work a lot better than the strict discipline and unsmiling regime of Fabio Capello and Ramond Domenech.

Capello appears to have avoided the chop for misreading the World Cup campaign, Domenech may yet face the guillotine for his part in France’s nearly pointless appearance at this World Cup.

But for Maradona, who has been bitter criticised throughout qualifying, everything is turning up roses.

After struggling to emerge from the exhausting CONMEBOL qualifying campaign in fourth place, Argentina started with a 1-0 win over Nigeria, then came wins over South Korea and Greece. Along with Holland, they were the only perfect group winners with nine points, scoring seven goals and conceding just one.

Then came a rousing 3-1 win over Mexico in their first knock-out game at Loftus Versfeld on Sunday. Argentina appear ready to join the Latin American party at this World Cup, with a CONMEBOL nation contesting every quarter-final.

Like Ghana, Holland and Spain, the battle to overcome Latin American opposition and reach the last four is about to begin in earnest.

Maradona refused to get involved in a war of words with the Germans, saying simply: “They said I had no idea about how to coach. But suddenly I am winning matches and I am still the same guy."

But how about this from Germany’s Bastian Schweinsteiger. He witnessed the unseemly row after a clearly off-side Carlos Tevez goal in the win over Mexico and said: “You could see their behavior at half-time against Mexico. When you look at their body language and gesticulations, the way they try to influence the referees, they have no respect. It's their mentality and character, and we'll have to adjust.”

And this from Thomas Mueller, scorer of two goals in as many minutes in the epic win over England. Maradona thought he was a ball-boy when they first met, and Mueller growls: "Now I have won two titles and played in the Champions League with Bayern, so a few things have changed. As a coach I can't judge him but the results and the convincing way Argentina are playing means he is doing things right.”

Germany, fielding their youngest World Cup squad in 70 years, are the unpredictable side in the last eight. Maradona’s once-inconsistent squad appear to be the dominant force. For once, I’ll back the Germans. But only because Maradona is bonkers!

Neal Collins is in South Africa to mourn for England and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

The first penalty shoot-out of the World Cup: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM8TJJ6RIqo

To see him perform at the National Arts Festival on July 4, go tohttp://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.

Argentina and South Korea through from World Cup Group B as Nigeria rue their greatest miss and Greece park their bus

SO Greece, as the joke goes, slipped up. They parked their bus, double-deckered by all accounts, in front of their goal and let Argentina throw the lot at them in Polokwane.

On a night that will be remembered for Ayegbeni Yakubu’s unbelievable miss (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wg_4GcYOD3A) in Nigeria’s 2-2 draw against South Korea, football has triumphed. Just.

The Koreans go through with Argentina, Nigeria restored their reputation, the gruesome Greeks failed. Their defensive dullness led to their demise. That’s the beauty of World Cup football when you get down to the sharp end.

That Argentina would top Group B was never in doubt. Their opening 1-0 win over Nigeria was okay given Diego Maradona’s team selection and tactics. Their 4-1 over South Korea saw real flashes of brilliance, to be expected given the talent they have at their disposal.

Demechelis’s 78^th minute goal followed by Martin Palermo’s 36-year-old strike in the dying seconds, ensured a 2-0 win, the crazy coach toppling the bus. Dodgy Diego produced another dazzling dance of celebration. They could just go all the way.

While were two late goals in Durban, Polokwane offered far more excitement. Kala Uche nipped in to make it 1-0 after 41 minutes, but South Korea went ahead through Jungsoo and Chouyong (the first direct free-kick of the tournament with the Jabulani ball) before Everton striker Yakubu stepped up after his horrendous two-yard miss to bravely slot home from the penalty spot.

At 2-2 they needed a goal to go through, despite ending pointless after their opening two games. But a point was not enough for the Super Eagles. South Korea go through with Argentina.

Greece have spent the last three weeks camped in Durban’s luxurious Beverley Hills hotel – standard rooms start at £300-a-night even when they’re not hosting a World Cup – while their economically stricken nation tightens belts.

That they prepared in KwaZulu Natal – where winter is a concept rather than a reality – was always ridiculous. Given that they were playing all three Group B games at higher altitude or in colder climes, somebody somewhere cocked-up.

And tonight they did it again. Their unadventurous finale might have worked if they’d managed a goalless draw and Nigeria had beaten the courageous Koreans.

But no. Despite Yakubu’s blunder, the woodwork and a late miss from former Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins, Nigeria could not conjure that win.

Pity that. Africa could have done with a surprise qualifier after hosts South Africa went so close earlier in the day. They beat France 2-1 but went out on goal difference to Mexico, beaten 1-0 by Group A winners Uruguay.

Neal Collins is in South Africa to complain about England's performance and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

To see Neal at the National Arts Festival on July 4, go to http://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.

Higuain hat-trick for Argentina and Greece smashing plates... but anybody can still make it from Group B

The real World Cup is upon us. After the phoney war of the opening games, the goals are flying thick and fast as the second round demands blood, guts... and victories.

For Greece and Nigeria, the Group B warning had already been fired in emphatic fashion by Argentina on day seven of the World Cup. The Argies beat South Korea 4-1 in South Africa 2010’s first five-goal showdown. Then the Greeks edged out the 10-man Super Eagles 2-1 to the din of smashing plates across the world.

But they’d best not celebrate too soon - all four sides can still qualify from Group B.

A surprisingly big turn-out of 31,593 in chilly Bloemfontein saw Nigeria, with huge migrant support here, opened the scoring through Kalu Uche, whose free-kick wormed it’s way through a busy box and into the net after just 16 minutes.

But Greece – also blessed with a huge ex-pat community in South Africa – didn’t collapse as they did against South Korea in their opening game. Their cause was helped by Sani Kaita’s needless red card after 33 minutes for kicking out at Vassilis Torosidis. Stupid. Referee Oscar Ruiz was left with no option.

The Greeks relished playing ten men. First Celtic striker Giorgos Samaras had his effort cleared off the line by Haruna Lukman then, with the first half nearly done, Dimitris Salpingidis fired home – but only after a huge deflection off the luckless Lukman.

And the winner came as an embarrassment to the excellent Nigerian goalkeeper Vincent Enyeama. After a series of stunning saves he could only palm out Alexandros Tzioli’s shot and there was Torosidis to finish and send Greece into raptures.

Poor old Enyeama, brilliant in the 1-0 defeat against Argentina, simply held his head. That Jabulani ball has plenty more to offer as the World Cup hits top gear. We saw just 25 goals in the 16 first round matches – a record low – but there have been 11 in the three second round games so far.

Interestingly though, the Nigerians are still in it, despite ending pointless after two games. Thanks to Enyeama restricting the Argentines to one goal at Ellis Park, a win by more than two goals against South Korea in Durban on June 22 could put them through as runners up. But that’s assuming Argentina could be bothered to beat Greece on the same day in Polokwane.

Diego Maradona’s men crushed South Korea 4-1 in the highest-scoring encounter of the tournament so far in the early kick-off in front of a throbbing Soccer City. And of course, the Koreans beaten Greece in their opening game, while Nigeria lost to the Argies.

Gonazalo Higuain was the hero of the hour – and takes his place at the top of the scorers’ list with a hat-trick against the men from Seoul.

Born in Brest, France, the 22-year-old chose to play for his father’s Albiceleste when Les Bleus tried to get him to fly the Tricolour. And before this game, the Real Madrid striker was quoted as saying: “I’m sure the goals will come.”

El Pipita did just that. After Park Cho Yung’s opening own goal for Argentina, Higuain headed his side into what looked a comfortable lead after 32 minutes. Korea pulled one back just before the break when a defensive error – which could be an otherwise impressive outfit’s Achilles heel – let Lee Chong Yong in.

But Higuain had soon restored the two-goal cushion, finishing easily after Lionel Messi had hit a post – and he completed his hat-trick and the World Cup’s best scoreline so far with Sergio Aguero, Diego Maradona’s brother-in-law, setting up the goal.

All inspired, of course, by the little genius who is Messi. And the equally tiny coach Maradona, who was leaping about on the sidelines.

Argentina have all but won this group. But the battle for second will rage on.

Neal Collins (nealcol on Twitter) is in South Africa to promote his first novel A GAME APART. For more information see www.nealcollins.co.uk. If you think the Scottish bagpipes should be banned rather than the Vuvuzela, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1hrMRk5FnY.

Argentina 1 Nigeria 0, a classic World Cup encounter thanks to the goalkeeper Arsenal never signed

And so to our first classic World Cup encounter. Argentina’s 1-0 win over Nigeria was no yawn-a-minute yomp for the Latin Americans with the billionaire stars. It was a victory for art over craft, blood over sweat.

From the hairstyles to the coaches, you couldn’t have asked for a greater contrast. Argentina were all Messi skills and messy hair, Nigeria kept the score down through last-gasp tackles and last-ditch defending, not to mention a string of saves from man of the match Vincent Enyeama.

Clad in canary yellow, the Nigerian goalkeeper – who once agreed a £2m fee with Arsenal a year ago - denied Barcelona’s masterful Lionel Messi three times in the first half and produced two further superb saves in the second. How he denied the little master in the 81^st minute, we’ll never know.

The 27-year-old from Hapoel Tel Aviv in Israel, was winning his 54^th cap and hard put a finger wrong. Arsene Wenger, you missed out on a super-duper Super Eagle.

But there was nothing Enyeama could do when, after just six minutes, the German-speaking Argentine Gabriel Heinze stormed in to head what turned out to be the winning goal. Quite a day for Manchester United fans. Ji-Sung Park scored a cracker for South Korea in their earlier win against Greece, and here was Heinze, a former Old Trafford star, full of beans.

Almost from the kick-off, this one oozed global quality and excitement, so unlike last night’s awful bore-draw between France and Uruguay. Another former Manchester United man, 35-year-old Juan Sebastian Veron, prompted and probed while Manchester City’s former Old Trafford striker Carlos Tevez just never stopped harrying, probing, working.

Detailed to stop this vast array of talent? One Danny Shittu, formerly of Watford and QPR, who failed to get a game in the Premier League for Bolton Wanderers last season. And he made a fair fist of it.

But it was Messi, the little man who needed growth hormone treatment to reach 5ft 6in, who glittered and shone. How many times did the Nigerians have to stop him with ghastly tackles and desperate lunges, not to mention Enyeama’s golden gloves?

And throughout, there was demented Diego Maradona, shouting and screaming, while Nigeria’s ice-cool Swedish coach Lars Lagerback whispered and prodded.

In the end, we will say Argentina have all it takes to win the World Cup, aside from a sane coach. But that doesn’t tell the story of how close Nigeria came to a leveller on the break as they struggled for 40 percent of the possession.

A day of contrast, green vuvuzelas... and a vast gathering of increasingly desperate Nigerians. They caused 15 injuries when the local migrant population attempted to gain access in a crush during their friendly against North Korea in Tembisa last week. The jolly green army were no less passionate at Ellis Park yesterday, where South Africa won the 1995 rugby World Cup, as portayed by Hollywood and Clint Eastwood in the film Invictus.

But there was to be no last-minute drop goal to change things here. Though former Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins tested Sergei Romero in the Argentine goal 12 minutes from time, it always looked like Argentina, ranked 7 in the world, were going to be a little too slick for Nigeria, ranked 21.

In truth, there were chances at both ends as the altitude burned the lungs late on. And you suspect both these sides will be too strong for South Korea, 47, who beat Greece, 13, in the opening Group B clash earlier in the day.

Especially when you consider they were able to bring on Diego Milito, the two-goal hero of Inter Milan’s Champions League final win over Bayern Munich last month, as a late sub. You have been warned, these Argentines are the best of the eight teams we’ve seen so far.

Diego Maradona: bottoms, bidets and bonkers as Nigeria game looms at Ellis Park on Saturday

DIEGO MARADONA, we have been assured, has learned to be calmer, more careful, as he prepares for Saturday’s opening World Cup clash against Nigeria and their migrant population at Ellis Park on Saturday.

So best we just forget the training pitch antics this week, when the man who won the 1986 World Cup on his own had his winning five-a-side team blast the balls at the buttocks of the losers at Pretoria’s High Performance Centre. Oh, and forget the days when he threatened to do something extremely nasty to disrespectful journalists. And the demands for expensive “bidet-toilets” in his room at one of South Africa’s top sports bases. Perhaps he just has a thing about bottoms.

The bottom line for Saturday’s opening Group C clash is that he’s planning to use all three strikers – Manchester City’s Carlos Tévez, Atletico Madrid’s Sergio Aguero and Inter Milan’s Champions League winner Diego Milito – up front against the Super Eagles. That’s some take. Winner-take-all, caution-to-the-winds, 3-4-3.

His take on arriving here this week? “You have to put all your heart into winning the World Cup. You've got to give your life."

Given the scenes at Tembisa on Sunday, when thousands of local Nigerians attempted to gain access to their friendly 3-0 win over North Korea – leaving 15 in hospital – he may be about to do just that. Ellis Park saw 43 die in a similar crush in April, 2001. Lightning won’t strike twice. But it was a sign of just how well supported the Nigerians will be at this tournament.

This morning in Brooklyn, near the Argentine camp at Pretoria University, I spent my time helping their Spanish-speaking fans book tickets for the latter stages. They are still available. I spent some time explaining to the charming South African ticket sellers that one of the moustachioed Argies had accidentally booked the last 16 clash in Port Elizabeth on June 26 instead of the one at Loftus Versfeld on the 29^th.

I attempted to explain in Spanglish: “But if you finish second in the group, you may have the right ticket!” Mr Moustache and the Argentine fans, here in surprising numbers, were having none of it. Argentina are going to win Group C, Nigeria, Greece or South Korea (who play each other earlier on Saturday at the Nelson Mandela Stadium) will have to battle it out for that second spot.

They are prepared to forget – rather quickly – the struggle Diego’s Argentina had to qualify for this World Cup. He used 107 players, failed to get the best out of the magical Lionel Messi, and they just sneaked in ahead of play-off bound Uruguay.

Maradona was accused of being muddle-minded, having no idea what system to play, of favouring his old pals in the squad. No longer. This is World Cup time. Maradona left Inter Milan’s Champions League winning defenders Javier Zanetti and Esteban Cambiasso at home and is promising to go for that revolutionary 3-4-3 formation.

Unfazed, Nigeria’s former Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins says: “There will be 150 million people at home watching the game. Messi is a good player, they’ve got Tevez too, but this is the World Cup we know it's important for all of us. That's why we're here, we've got to give our best."See Maradona's crazy training session:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_LoAwbDsk4