HISTORICAL, HYSTERICAL: Orlando Pirates 3 (three, drie, trois, drei), El Ahly 0 (niks, nothing, nada, zilch)

Walking the plank: El Ahly goalkeeper Ekramy in Al-Gouna yesterday

القراصنة ثلاثة أهداف، "الأهلي لا شيء

I am reliably informed the sentence above is Arabic for “Orlando Pirates three goals, El Ahly NONE.”

And really, despite a fascinating start to our own Professional Soccer League, that is THE story of the weekend. Egyptian giants El Ahly hadn’t failed to score a goal at home since 2004. But Roger de Sa’s continental crushers gave them the kind of beating we won’t forget for a long, long time.

An opening goal from Thandani Ntshumayelo after an astonishing interchange with Collins Mbesuma made it 1-0 after 18 minutes, then came an incredible THIRD successive African Champions League penalty save from Senzo Meyiwa from Waleed Soliman in the 38th minute.

Just before half-time, the Algerian referee sent off Ahmed Abdul Zaher for dissent as he howled about yet another crunching Pirates tackle – and El Ahly, the defending African champions and three-time winners, never really recovered.

The second half belonged to Andile Jali. First he converted a 73rd minute penalty after Fathy (pronounced Farty) had felled Daine Klate, then – two minutes later – the Bafana reject produced a delightful little scooped pass to put Sifiso Myeni away for the third goal.

And that was it. In front of a windy, empty stadium at El Gouna on the Red Sea coast, the Egyptians were simply flabbergasted by the Pirates defence – the ageless Lucky Lekgwathi (estimates put him at 37) saved one of the line and tackled with all the subtlety of a Pharoah’s tomb.

It was at half-time I sent the under-pressure Pirates coach De Sa my usual SMS. Ths one said: “YOU FYCKING BEAUTY! ROGER DE SA YOU ARE A LEGEND!” He replied with "Yeeeepeeee" (see screen grab of SMSes above).

After the match, Roger said: “Fantastic result but look, we’re not getting carried away, there’s still four games to go in the group.

“I’m very happy but now I have to make sure we stay grounded – and get positive results.”

So you can rave all you want about Kaizer Chiefs’ hard-earned 1-0 win over promoted Mpumalanga Black Aces on Friday night. Clive Barker’s Dogs weren’t a million miles from humbling Stuart Baxter’s double-winning Gods in the PSL’s opening salvo.

And we can praise Cavin Johnson’s SuperSport United – 4-1 winners over Steve Khompela’s Free State Stars on Saturday – or Pitso Mosimane’s Monyloadi Signdowns for their 3-1 at tricky Bloemfontein Celtic. Some might say both were aided by harsh red cards.

But nothing compares with Pirates’ epic victory in El-Gounah. They go top of Group A on goal difference from Congo champions AC Leopards, who saw off Zamalec 1-0 in Dolisie.

Egypt’s Red Devils’ hadn’t lost at home since Tunisia’s Etoile Sahel beat them 3-1 in Cairo to lift the Champions League trophy six years ago. The game was played in afternoon heat and a gusting wind – but nothing could stop De Sa’s Buccaneers.

That second star may not be as impossible as we once assumed. As I said on twitter, a 3-0 win in Egypt is like the Springboks triumping 60-0 in Wellington or the Proteas enjoying a six-wicket victory in Delhi. Unthinkable.

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Danny's Double Jeopardy: Why Ethiopia could lose SIX POINTS in the World Cup race (inludes all THREE possible tables)

MAKING A MEAL OF IT: lunch with Danny Jordaan

DANNY JORDAAN had no hesitation. When I put it to him that Ethiopia couldn’t be docked six points for failing to honour a ONE MATCH ban, he came straight out with it: “You’re completely wrong.”

Ever the cool football administrator, Jordaan explained: “That player is under suspension until he has served his sentence. He should not have played against Botswana and he should not have played against South Africa. Especially when the Ethiopia Federation already knew they had made a mistake.”

To there it is. SAFA’s president-elect Danny Jordaan, the man who engineered a massively successful 2010 World Cup, has spoken. I thought the fact that Minyahel Teshome Beyene had ignored a one-match ban to play against Botswana could only mean a maximum three-point deduction for the side currently top of CAF World Cup qualifying Group A.

But let’s face it. Jordaan, steeped in football politics for forty years, is the authority on these things.

And if he’s right, and FIFA decide to act against Ethiopia for fielding Beyene illegally in TWO successive World Cup qualifiers, South Africa are home and hosed as Group A winners.

As you can see from the three tables below, the task would then be complete for under-fire Gordon Igesund, who thought he was OUT of the World Cup in our distraught Sunday night phone call.

Under the “Danny Double Jeopardy” (table number 3) South Africa would have a four-point cushion if FIFA give them a 3-0 win rather than the 1-2 defeat they actually suffered on Sunday.

FIFA are refusing to comment on the case “while it is under scrutiny” but the admissions of guilt from EFF president Sahilu Gebremariam and vice-president Berhanu Kebede seem to suggest the case is proven. They can hardly claim “mistaken identity” now, which is the only defence left to them according to Jordaan.

All that remains is for FIFA to make the pronouncement. They will also be asked to scrutinise two further allegations – that Dean Furman was spat at in the face and that the Ethiopian No5 was booked twice in the match but not sent off.

However this turns out, September 6 will be an interesting day. Ethiopia go to the Central African Republic knowing only off-field blunders might have denied them a place in the play-offs for Brazil 2014. South Africa play Botswana knowing many feel they don’t deserve to top the group.

But whoever ends in that coveted spot will know that a final significant hurdle remains. To reach the World Cup, African group leaders, uniquely, have to play off against each other. And with teams like Egypt, Algeria and the Ivory Coast lurking, Brazil remains a hope rather than a certainty.

CAF World Cup qualifying Group A as it stands:

Team Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts  Ethiopia 5 4 1 0 8 3 +5 13  South Africa 5 2 2 1 8 4 +4 8  Botswana 5 1 1 3 5 8 −3 4  Central African Republic 5 1 0 4 4 10 −6 3

How the table will look if FIFA act on Botswana game:

Team Pld W D L GF GA GD Pts  Ethiopia 5 3 1 1 6 5 +1 10  South Africa 5 2 2 1 8 4 +4 8  Botswana 5 2 1 2 7 6 +1 7  Central African Republic 5 1 0 4 4 10 −6 3 How the table will look if FIFA act on BOTH games:

Team	Pld	W	D	L	GF	GA	GD	Pts
South Africa	5	3	2	0	10	2	+8	11
Ethiopia	5	2	1	2	4	7	-3	7
Botswana	5	2	1	2	7	6	+1	7
Central African Republic	5	1	0	4	4	10	−6	3

Mexico 2 France 0 and Thierry Henry can only sit on his hands

Okay, here’s the Group A scenario. France and South Africa, for obvious reasons, will be desperate to beat each other when they conclude their currently winless campaigns in Bloemfontein on June 22. They have only a point apiece to show for their efforts so far.

About 500 miles away in Rustenburg, Uruguay will play Mexico. Both have four points. And the bitter truth for 1998 champions and 2006 runners-up France and hosts South Africa is this: if the Americans play out a quiet goalless draw, it doesn’t matter who beats who at the Free State Stadium.

I tell you one group of neutrals who may have had smiling eyes last night as Mexico produced this nightmare scenario with a 2-0 win over France. The Irish. They were put out, as I might have mentioned before, by Thierry Henry’s outrageous handball which clinched the play-off in Paris last November.

And there he was in at a packed Peter Mokabe Stadium in freezing Polokwane yesterday, in his beanie hate, reduced to the role of spectator. A mere bench warmer, on a night when warmth was at a premium. Left to sit on his hands, as it were.

The Hand of Frog unable to alter this cruel state of affairs. The inquest into Raymond Domenech’s final weeks in charge will begin in the morning, with gusto. Laurent Blanc takes over Les Bleus after this World Cup and, from what we’ve been hearing, he can’t arrive too soon.

What was last night all about? The French, like many others, appeared to scared to hit their free-kicks with any va-va-voom because they keep ballooning over the bar. That’s understandable, a trend in a tournament when the infamous Jabulani leaves us without a single undeflected long-range goal.

But not to trouble the Mexican goalkeeper all night? Frightening, with a side full of millionaires. Mexico, a team of terriers, simply made them look like has-beens. Or never-weres. The Republic of Ireland could hardly have been worse. And we know what a craick their fans would have had over here.

Mexico deserved victory, if only for the sheer tempo at which they played this one. A sharper linesman might have called Javier Hernandez off-side when he broke clear in the 63^rd minute to beat the goalkeeper and score.

But then Eric Abidal upended Pablo Berrera and the fussy Saudi Arabian referee Al Ghamdi gave the spot kick. Veteran sub Cuauhtemoc Blanco, with the longest run-up you’ve ever seen for a penalty, rammed it home.

Tottenham’s Giovanni Dos Santos, currently on loan at Turkey, was simply magnificent. Harry Redknapp must give the Mexican Billy Whizz another go. Bayern Munich’s Franck Ribery flattered to deceive, unable to make anything work down the left for France. Chelsea’s Florent Malouda was invisible, Arsenal’s Abou Diabi absent.

Another fascinating night. An absorbing day seven. We’ve had 14 goals in four second round games after the dour opening clashes. This is how it’s going to be from now on. Life and death. Until, perhaps, the fateful game between Mexico and Uruguay. That may be drawn and quartered.

And now the French, like the hosts, must sweat until June 22. When even a win may not be enough.