Clattenburg's clangers: Still trying to verify veracity of this picture!

United we stand: I suspect this is a dodgy picture

A REFFING DISGRACE. There is no other way to describe a weekend of enthralling – but highly controversial – action in the English Premier Division.

In two days of screaming injustice, the so-called greatest football league in the world contrived to produce THREE questionable results thanks to the whistle-while-you-work brigade.

At Arsenal, Mikel Arteta’s scrambled winner over QPR was shown to be off-side when the Spaniard hit the bar with a header before ramming the ball over the line on the rebound.

At Everton, Liverpool were denied a clear last-minute Merseyside Derby winner when the unloved Luiz Suarez was robbed of a last-minute hat-trick and a 3-2 win.

And most infamously of all, there were two incidents at Stamford Bridge which suggest the top-of-the-table clash between Chelsea and Manchester United was radically altered by a man in black called Mark Clattenburg.

This morning Clattenburg, the man chosen to referee the Olympic final between Brazil and Mexico at Wembley a month ago, stands accused of abusing two Chelsea players, one of them racially.

Before that the 37-year-old from Newcastle had sent off two Chelsea players with the match evenly balanced at 2-2, the Blues staging a remarkable comeback after United had taken an early 2-0 lead.

The first sending off of Branislav Ivanovic was fair enough but the second – a second yellow for Fernando Torres “simulating” after being clearly fouled by Johnny Evans – was simply ridiculous. And though the referee can always blame his assistant, Javier Hernandez’s winner was certainly off-side too.

Remember, Clattenburg is the guy who was told he would never referee again in January 2009 after “breaching his contract” and sending threatening emails to business associates  over debts of £175,000 (R2million).

A few months later Clattenburg was at it again, sending off Craig Bellamy and telling the Manchester City bench at Bolton: “How do you work with him all week?”

In 2010, Clattenburg was the referee who controversially allowed Manchester United’s Portuguese star Nani to score when Tottenham goalkeeper Heurelho Gomes had placed the ball for a “ghost” free-kick.

Now Chelsea are claiming Clattenburg called Juan Mata, scorer of a wonderful free-kick on Sunday, “a Spanish twat” when he was cautioned in the 76^th minute.

Chief executive Ron Gourlay, with Mikel and manager Roberto Di Matteo, demanded an apology after the game but Clattenburg refused and Chelsea released a statement yesterday saying: “We have lodged a complaint with regards to inappropriate language used by the referee and directed at two of our players in two separate incidents.”

For all Clattenburg’s past we can make no real allegations of bribery or match-fixing. As Sir Alex Ferguson said afterwards: “The boy was touched and he made a meal of it. He could have carried on and scored. But the winner was off-side, we had a bit of luck there.”

With previously unbeaten Chelsea boss Roberto di Matteo complaining “all the decisions went United’s way”, the usual accusations against United began. Are they justified? Well, yes, if you consider how many penalties and red cards go the way of the ageless old Scotsman Ferguson.

It’s not corruption, it’s just the Fergie way. Officiate poorly in Sir Alex’s eyes and you’ll never referee a big game again – and you can expect a dressing-room visit not to mention a satanic choir of complaing Red Devils.

Referees like Howard Webb have long been accused of being on a United contract, but the truth is they are just scared to offend the 70-year-old who has been in charge for 26 highly-successful years.

What the weekend’s injustices demand is not an investigation in to United but a review system for football. Both codes of rugby, all forms of cricket and Grand Slam tennis use various replay systems, and as I 

suggested on eNews yesterday, football has to follow suit.

Give the referee a 30-second time-out to ask the television official if an incident is as it looked, let him make 

a considered decision with replay evidence. Most top-flight matches go in to six or seven minutes of added time anyway, surely the game has time for a quick break to avoid catastrophic refereeing errors?

If FIFA and the FA continue to ignore such demands, the questions around United will never be answered.

From El Nino to El OhNo: Fernando Torres, the British record signing has forgotten what it's all about

Fernando Torres. Britain’s record signing. There he was on Tuesday night, apparently playing for Chelsea. I think. He was wearing blue and had his boots on as he strolled around Stamford Bridge while Liverpool were knocking them out of the Carling Cup.
Liverpool fans loved every moment of course. They would. He was quite something for them before last year’s World Cup slump… and they got a whopping 50m (R500m) - more than doubling the 20m they paid for him - for the former Atletico Madrid striker when Chelsea made their deadline day move in January.
You could almost understand Roman Abramovich’s eagerness to break the bank (and ruin his club’s carefully planned UEFA-friendly budget) when you look at the stats for the 27-year-old who has regrown his long golden locks since the World Cup, but failed to refind his form.
At Atletico from 2001–2007 he was a budding sensation, scoring 82 goals in 214 games. At Liverpool he managed a near-sensational 65 in 102 games after his move to England in 2007. Reds will remember his first season with some fondness: 33 goals in 46 appearances. El Nino they called him then. These days he’s more of an El Nincompoop.
But at Chelsea he has three goals from 24 games. Yes. Three. Some grandmothers of my acquaintance have a higher annual scoring rate. In all competitions, he’s managed five in 32 while down the road, Robin van Persie is banging them in at a goal a game - under far more pressure at Arsenal than Torres generally faces at Chelsea.
Andy Townsend, the former Chelsea midfielder who performs with some aplomb as the resident analyst on the Premier League’s international channel every week (for South Africans, he’s the one who sits on the far right with the rugged look) has a bit to say about Mr Torres in his Daily Mail column this week.
Townsend says: “When I look at him, I see another Roman Pavlyuchenko (the rusty Russian at Spurs) - a striker who knows he is fourth choice and who looks as if he would rather be anywhere else.
“There is no nuisance value in Torres. He doesn’t rattle the centre half, chase lost causes into the corner, crash into the first row of seats after running down the full back. He’s not scoring, so what does he give the team?”
With the world’s youngest boss Andre Villas-Boas under huge pressure following Tuesday night’s defeat – the Blues have now lost three times in their last four home games – perhaps it’s time Torres at least gave the appearance of caring.
Mind you, with chairman Abramovich involved in a Russian heavyweight clash against Boris Berezovsky in the High Court, fellow striker Didier Drogba desperately seeking a move and captain John Terry being probed by the police for racist abuse, perhaps Torres is just hoping nobody will notice.
Townsend says: “You feel like watching Fernando’s matches from behind the sofa; it’s the nightmare that doesn’t seem to end.”
Torres isn’t the first striker to be cast in “A Stamford Bridge too far”… Townsend picks out a few corkers who have worn blue and turned to goo: Robert Fleck, Chris Sutton, Mateja Kezman, Andriy Shevchenko and Hernan Crespo to name but five. Nicolas Anelka has hardly sparkled while older readers may remember Adrian Mutu, the Romanian who left Chelsea under a distinctly dodgy white cloud.
Townsend concludes: “Only two people can resolve this – Torres must rediscover his form and his joy of football or can Abramovich, find a club to buy him?”
Come on Andy, he signed a five-and-a-half year contract less than a year ago. He has a personal fortune estimated at nearly 20m. And anyway, would you buy a used striker from a Russian oligarch?

So that's why Fernando Torres is playing like an Englishman in South Africa

So that’s why Fernando Torres is playing like an Englishman in South Africa. His not-so-secret agent thinks he’s James bloody Bond. The rumoured £70m move from Chelsea to Liverpool appears to under discussion DURING the World Cup.

The soon-to-be ex-darling of Anfield has produced a series of performances here which nearly defy belief. As Spain prepare to take on Germany in Durban on Wednesday for a place in the World Cup final, he must reflect on five games without the merest sniff of a goal.

Torres and his new haircut have lasted a total of 268 minutes so far as frustrated boss Vincente Del Bosche offers him the cushion time and again, preferring to rely on Barcelona-bound David Villa.

The comparisons with Wayne Rooney are fascinating. Roon, so off form for England it was embarrassing, managed six shots on goal in four games. Torres has achieved that many in five. Rooney hit six on target, Torres just two. Villa? He’s had 23 shots, 14 on target, and scored five goals including the quarter-final winner against Paraguay, after Torres had resumed his usual role on the bench.

The general diagnosis of Sampsonitis can now be dismissed. Cutting those flowing blond locks has nothing to do with his sudden loss of virility as Spain battled their way through to the last four at this World Cup.

Instead, we learn that his agent, Jose Antonio Martin, has been negotiating a move away from Liverpool - while his client should be focused on helping his nation to an historic global triumph. After their shock opening loss against Switzerland, the European Champions have fought back manfully – with talismanic Torres relegated to the role of onlooker.

Today Martin finally admitted: “We are working on Fernando’s future. It is very likely he will stay in the Premier League, but I cannot say that it will be with Liverpool. You cannot guarantee that he will stay at Anfield.” If you look carefully between the lines of this statement, you may just make out the words: “Please, Mr Abramovich, I’ve been begging since May. Spend your roubles on my client and give me ten percent”.

It’s no surprise of course. Liverpool suffered their worst season since the Beatles had long hair last season. They finished seventh in the Premier League, crashed out of the Champions League in the group stages and were generally laughable rather than lethal.

With those two charming Americans Hicks and Gillette squabbling over a price for the historic footballing jewel they picked up on the cheap, European conqueror Rafa Benitez has departed, pulling out what's left of his Portuguese hair. Roy Hodgson, though he is hardly the new Bill Shankly, has been asked to pick up the pieces, presumably on a tight budget given their reported debt of £472.5 million. That’s what he did best at Fulham. Hodgson’s previous attempts at bigger clubs – Inter Milan and Blackburn – have hardly sparkled.

Given the need for profit rather than pride, Yossi Benayoun has already left for Chelsea, Torres will join him if owner Roman Abramovich can afford it ... Javier Mascherano and Albert Riera are in the shop window too. And then there are all those desperately denied rumours about Stevie Gerrard needing to flee the city. Tough times.

Of course Liverpool fans will be outraged. At the crux of their winter of woe, Torres hobbled off for a second bout of ankle surgery, ensuring he was fit and fresh for the World Cup campaign.

As the spotlight turns full glare on the 26-year-old Atletico Madrid product, he says: “Hopefully Mr Del Bosque is happy. And the team too. It is a difficult tournament for me.

“I didn't arrive in the best moment in terms of fitness, especially after two operations but I'm happy with the things I am doing. Everyone has to try to give a bit to the team to get the best."

Despite his appalling form for Spain, the locals are insisting on a move to Barcelona. But special agent Martin is licensed to kill that rumour. He said: “I can rule that out. Barca have signed Villa and now they want to invest the money they have in other players.”

With his agent doubtless on the phone most nights, Torres says in public: “The World Cup is too important to think about what happens after that. I was happy Roy Hodgson got the job at Liverpool. He did really well at Fulham. I have a contract. After the World Cup, I'll have time to talk with him.”

The Germans must be loving every minute of this particular transfer saga.

Neal Collins is in South Africa to mourn England’s departure and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

He will be speaking at the World Journalism Education Congress in Grahamstown tomorrow morning at 11am.

Switzerland 1 Spain 0 and the 2010 World Cup has the shock it so badly needed. Forget the Vuvuzelas, try a cow bell!

Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition. They do now. Don’t you just love this game? This World Cup? We’ve sat for days waiting for a shock, a pulse-racing moment. We’ve seen South Korea beat Greece 2-0, we’ve seen North Korea push Brazil and lose 2-1.

But blimey, nobody expected an under-strength Switzerland to beat Spain, the reigning European champions, officially the second best side in the world, unofficially the favourites for the 2010 World Cup.

In the first half they played like typical Spanish matadors from La Liga. All pretty passing and 72 percent possession, cloaks flying, glittering blades flailing about. But no true footballing passion, no hunger for the goal. Like so many in this tournament so far, they were reluctant to take risks, push on.

And then the moment of all moments for Swiss football. The men from the mountains haven’t beaten Spain in 18 attempts. The fancy-pants millionaires have lost just once in 48 games (though they did lose to the US at the Confederations Cup here). And then Gelson Fernandes got the goal that shook the world.

How do I describe this great goal? A mess? Lanky Swiss striker Eren Derdiyok fell over a long ball, long-lasting goalkeeper Iker Casillas and the elegant Gerard Pique fumbled about a bit so Fernandes stuck it in, like a true centre-forward the mud and thunder of a Sunday League brawl. Only this was Durban, in front of 60,000 in the magnificent Moses Mabhida Stadium.

What a truly wonderful moment. Chris Waddle, the former England international, said on the BBC: "You can't explain what's happened out there - that's the wonder of football. Switzerland have had one chance, they've taken it, and otherwise all they've done is defend. Fair play to them. Saying that, there's a fair while to go yet."

I love this game. Mission Impossible this was, and the Swiss barely got a touch in the first half, kicking everything that moved, even their own players.

With Andreas Iniesta playing out of his skin, Spain were never going to lie down. They threw on Liverpool’s Fernando Torres next to David Villa, the £37m Barcelona signing who has forgotten how to shoot with this superlight Jabulani ball. Then Xabi Alonso crashed in a shot from outside the box, but it thudded off the bar, the nearest we’ve seen to a long-range goal all week.

But with the cow-bells of the Swiss competing with the Africa Vuvuzelas, Derdiyok’s long legs weaved a way through at the other end, and the world’s 24^th best side hit the post. Ooooh. Don’t tell me this World Cup lacks atmosphere... you could cut it with a violet Vuvuzela at that point.

Spain, with all those Barcelona and Real Madrid stars, were chasing the game. Given Chile’s win over Honduras in Nelspruit earlier in the day, defeat was out of the question for Vincente del Bosques superstars. So who do they take off? Iniesta, unquestionably the best player we have seen in action here so far. But no place for Arsenal’s benched superstar Cesc Fabregas, as Spain turned to Pedro.

You couldn’t take your eyes off this one. Enough of the Italians meandering, the Portuguese struggling, the goalkeepers throwing the ball in the net.

This was World Cup football at its finest. But the Swiss, without their three finest players – Stefan Frei, Vallon Behrami and Phillipe Senderos who was injured crashing into his own player in the first half – simply refused to buckle.

With ten to go Jesus Navas crash one inches wide of Diego Benaglio's right-hand post. But even Jesus wasn’t going to save this Spanish armada.

Steve von Bergen, on for Senderos, didn’t miss a header in a congested penalty area. Benaglio got a glove to anything and everything.

And then the whistle. Spain beaten. Otto Hitzfeld hugging everyone. The spaniards had 24 shots on goal, nada, nix, nothing to show for it. And amid the hullaballoo, there was Fernandes, grinning.

You wanted something special? You got it!

Neal Collins is in South Africa to promote his first novel, A GAME APART. To find out more, see www.nealcollins.co.uk.