The World Cup's TEN great miracles: from affable Afrikaners to triumphant trumpets

Africa’s first World Cup is coming to a glorious climax. We have seen so much to wonder at, we have seen so many problems surmounted, so many great goals, so much scintillating football, so many poor refereeing decisions, so many dreams shattered.

The World Cup that was supposed to collapse in chaos has risen above the carping doom-sayers. As I have said from the start, it could turn out to be the best yet. Every night for a month, the eyes of the world have been upon the Rainbow Nation. And I have yet to meet an unhappy travelling fan... Algerian, America, English, Italian, Slovenian, Brazilian. Believe me, I have spoken to footballing pilgrims from around the world.

Okay, the pitch at Port Elizabeth wasn’t perfect. Some of the park-and-ride facilities have required a stiff hike after the whistle. Polokwane and Nelspruit, just two of the wonderful new stadiums on offer, may never see the like again.

And Sepp Blatter is still a dictator with one eye firmly on the profit margins.

But now I think we must address the truly miraculous elements of South Africa 2010. The unexpected realities that must be examined before 22 gladiators meet for their life-or-death struggle at Soccer City on Sunday. As the Romans might have said: Incredibili (that’s unbelievable in Latin).

1 Affable Afrikaners

Not known for their love of footballers (or anyone else for that matter) the lost white tribe of Africa take No1 spot purely for their stoicism. Having had their rugby ground in Pretoria stolen by the World Cup (their beloved Blue Bulls had to play the Super 15 final in Soweto just before the big kick-off) our bearded friends (men and women) have somehow taken this whole African festival of footie on the chin. Having just read a particularly nasty little fascist newspaper called “The Afrikaner”, which offers only the prospect of post-Apartheid apocalypse, I swear this is true: When Paraguay bored the pants off Japan at Loftus Versfeld last week, a family of Afrikaners were attempting to master the Vuvuzela in front of me. The mum just couldn’t get it right. She sounded like a chronic case of flatulence. So the black couple next to them offered help. And the black kids further along. By the end of the game they were taking pictures of each other in warm embrace. The mum told me afterwards: “That was such fun. I’ve never really been to a social event with blecks.” And that was just one incident among dozens. Onbewaarbaar (that’s unbelievable in Afrikaans).

2 Jabulani joy

After a month of being told how the new adidas ball is far too light and impossible to control, we finally get to Cape Town and the Holland v Uruguay semi-final. By this time, only two Japanese free-kicks in the space of five minutes against Denmark had really shown any great potential. Then Gio van Bronkhorst, the Dutch captain who is nearly as old as Jan van Riebeeck, hits one from about thirty yards. If the net hadn’t been there to stop it, the superlight Jabulani may have ended up happily on Robben Island. An absolute scorcher. Later we had Diego Forlan hitting one which bent all over the place. How Gavin Cowley, the adidas spokesman behind the Jabulani, must have smiled. Nothing wrong with this ball. Just took a bit of getting used to. And consider the profit it has made around the globe after all those headlines. Unglaublich (that’s unbelievable in German).

3 Fantastic fanatics

I’ve mentioned before the incredible scenes when the US pipped Algeria with a last-minute Landon Donovan goal to top Group C. The Yanks couldn’t believe their luck. Mad celebration which culiminated in the striker from Hull Jozy Altidor going over the fence to clasp the Stars and Stripes. Right in front of the massed ranks of Algerians, north African Muslims to a man (and woman). Did they react? Barely a whisper. They smiled and clapped as their American rivals, not all that popular in the Muslim world, enjoyed their moment. Had Jozy celebrated like that at the New Den, Millwall fans may have offered a few oaths. Even the odd oaf. But Pretoria remained peaceful. Scenes like that have been replayed all over South Africa; Uruguayan joy, African misery; German jubilation, English desolation; Dutch delight, Brazilian disbelief. And not a fight in sight. Increíble (that’s unbelievable in Spanish).

4 Mandela magic

The father of this Rainbow Nation has not been well enough to play a public role in proceedings. On the day the tournament kicked-off his great-grand-daughter died in a car accident on the way home from the opening concert. But still Nelson Mandela’s magic pervades this World Cup, our world. Time after time, the name of Madiba crops up to unify the people, to make them proud, to provide a reference point. He may not even be aware of it. Long before this tournament began, I was told FIFA had a contingency plan in place should his incredible life come to an end. But somehow he has endured. And you know he’s loving every minute with this once-divided nation on show to billions around the planet. Long may it continue. Ngakholeki(yo) (that’s unbelievable in Xhosa).

5 Maradona manners

Dodgy Diego was doing so well. His Argentina side appeared ready to go all the way. Loving it in the spotlight, he told us: “You said I couldn’t coach, but we are winning.” And they were, in style, despite those curious coaching sessions with Argies pelting the Jabulani at each other’s exposed bottoms at the Pretoria University High Performance Centre. King Diego sat astride his mighty throne (the specially imported R45,000 bidet-toilets he had demanded for his room) and waved to the crowds so much he might have injured his wrist. And then Germany came along and put four past them in the quarter-finals. Smaller men might have been rude to the media, bitten their dog, turned to illicit substances or taken a shot at a reporter. But Diego held it together: “I'm as disappointed as all Argentines. To see my country lose a football match is very hard for someone who has worn the shirt.” Unfasslick (that’s also German for unbelievable).

6 Richie Rich

Rich Mkhondo was the sacrificial lamb put in charge of communications by FIFA before this World Cup began. Despite nearly 50 years as an author and journalist, Rich told me back in Janauary during the cricket tour that he knew exactly how tough his task was going to be. Sepp Blatter’s bunch have never been the most popular people and here he was, the kid from Katlehong, supposed to defend them to the hilt. But as the stories of bloodbaths, gangs, crime and deadly snakes ripped into his nation from around the world did Richie howl “unfair” and banish all foreign journalists? Never! When the nation cried foul as FIFA got it wrong time and again, did our Richie look disheartened? Never! And here we are, close to the finish line. And the bloke I remember so well from Rhodes University and the Rand Daily Mail all those years ago is able to tell us this World Cup has been a roaring success. This week, the predicted influx of rand-rich fans is headed towards the half-a-million mark. Mighty Mkhondo assured us: "We are confident that we will surpass the number of 450 000 that we initially predicted. And there’s still a few days to go.” Nswempu (that’s Zulu for unbelievable).

7 Dutch delight

I said before this tournament began that Holland, with Europe’s two best players (Inter Milan’s Wesley Sneijder and Bayern Munich’s Arjen Robben, they met at the Champions League final) were the best outside bet at 12-1 with Paddy Power. Now unbeaten in a record 25 games and currently on a streak of 10 successive wins, the lurid orange glow has lit up this tournament. They’ve never won it before, and my Olympic experiences at Sydney and Athens suggest they will travel in great numbers, despite a lack of available flights. The final looms and Arsenal’s lethal Robin Van Persie is just starting to turn it on after injury. In a country settled by Dutch pioneer Jan van Riebeeck and still inhabited by over ten million who speak a form of their language, the whole thing is, well... ongelofelijk (that’s Dutch for unbelievable).

8 Trumpet triumphant

The much-derided Vuvuzela was supposed to ruin this World Cup. Critics with ear-plugs from around the world lined up to call for a blanket ban. Or just a blanket. But the sound of South Africa 2010 refused to go away. Then the Vuvuzela turned up at a baseball game in Florida. And at the European Formula One Grand Prix in Valencia. It was banned from the Pamplona bull run in Spain but emerged unscathed to become a specialised button on the website YouTube. Push it, and you get a belligerent blast. Now it is selling out around the world. A simple plastic horn designed only to enhance the atmosphere at poorly attended local football games. Paaaaaarp (that’s Vuvuzela for unbelievable).

9 Superstars splattered

Wayne Rooney. Cristiano Ronaldo. The appropriately named Kaka. Thierry Henry and Nicolas Anelka. The holders Italy. Ah, how the mighty have fallen, as they so often do in African skirmishes. Just google Isandlwana (1979 was another bad year for England). Who could have predicted they would all be at home, licking their wounds and watching the final on television? This is just what football needed: a slap in the face for the overpaid superstars of football. Leave it instead to tiny Holland to carry the banner. Or the young, unfancied Germans. And let the glory belong to Ghana, who were denied an historic place in the last four only by the hand of Luis Suarez. In the end, all three “Hand of God” exponents were laid low. Suarez, Maradona... and Henry. Dochreidte (that’s unbelievable in Irish).

10 SuperSport sizzles

Thomas Mlambo is South Africa’s real World Cup winner. Watched by a huge domestic audience as the SABC struggles, SuperSport presenter Thomas Sipho Mlambo started out as an in-store announcer for a local shopping chain in Johannesburg. Now he’s the authentic voice of African football. Dealing with anything from the age-wearied cynicism of Terry “It wasn’t a great game” Paine, the sharp insights of John “I can also do rap” Barnes and a host of guests from all over the globe, “Big Brother” never stops smiling. A former Wits footballer before his knees packed up, tee-total Mlambo wants to get married, own a Maserati and settle down. Or so he says. As long as he doesn’t stop talking football. They said South Africa couldn’t cover a World Cup properly, let alone host the event. As Thomas says so often through that glittering smile... unbelieeeeeevable (that’s SuperSport for unbelievable).

Bottoms up for Robben and the Dutch as Arjen insists: I won't allow us to lose the World Cup final

Aarjen Robben won’t let Holland lose the World Cup final. It’s as simple as that. Caught with his trousers down (see great Getty Images picture) after an epic 3-2 semi-final win over Uruguay in Cape Town last night, Robben has no intention of dropping his guard in the final at Soccer City on Sunday.

Haunted by memories of their two successive World Cup final defeats at Germany 74 and Argentina 78, losing is simply not an option for Robben, who was unable to prevent Bayern Munich going down to Inter Milan in the Champions League showdown seven weeks ago.

Robben, who scored a glorious header to seal last night’s epic semi, said: “This Dutch team is simply a great squad. We had a good look at each other before the game... and I was convinced we'd win.

"We’re nearly there. We need only one more victory now. I’ve already lost a big final with Bayern and I won't let that happen again.

"If Germany turn out to be our next opponent, I'll be even more motivated. I can't afford to lose against Germany, because my team-mates at Bayern will make fun of me all season."

Cape Town’s Green Point Stadium was awash with Orange by the time Robben scored the third goal, his second of the tournament after his late arrival with a hamstring injury. By then Wesley Sneijder and captain Gio van Bronkhorst had already given the Dutch a slender 2-1 advantage after Diego Forlan’s equaliser.

Uruguay pulled back a late goal but by then forlorn Forlan had been recklessly substituted and Uruguay had given up the fight.

Two of the smallest nations in the world – Holland are ranked 134^th in the world on land mass while Uruguay are 90^th – contrived to produce a fitting showdown in Cape Town, the city established by Dutchman Jan van Riebeeck in 1652.

South Africa, boasting over ten million people who still speak Afrikaans or “kitchen Dutch”, were unanimously behind the Oranjes after Uruguay’s cynical efforts had deprived both Bafana Bafana and BaGhana BaGhana of an African representative at this glorious tournament.

The last surviving Latin American nation were at it again last night, diving about, falling over, generally making a nuisance of themselves. But credit to Uruguay, who only qualified for this tournament on a play-off against Costa Rica after finishing fifth in the CONMEBOL qualifying group, they gave it a good shot.

With big guns Brazil and Argentina out, they fought hard to end the Dutch record of 25 successive unbeaten outings. But as I said two months ago, this Dutch side – with Sneijder and Robben the form players in Europe last season – were always a good outside bet at 12-1.

Cape Town, treated to awful 0-0 draws between Uruguay and France followed by England and Algeria early in the tournament, can now boast the highest-scoring venue of this World Cup. And the men in orange, unbeaten in qualifying, have now set a new record of 14 games without defeat in a single tournament, not to mention ten wins on the trot.

Unheralded coach Bert van Marwijk said: “Unbelievable. When I took this job two years ago, I said to the players, “we're on a mission, and we just have to believe in ourselves”. We're only a small country but we're through to the final again after 32 years, that's just unbelievable.”

And perhaps most telling of all, with Brazil lying in their wake and Germany or Spain to come, he added: “I love beautiful football, but I also want to win.”

Uruguay coach Oscar Tabarez sighed: “It was the right result and it was a match worthy of the World Cup semi-finals. I'm proud of my players. We're disappointed, but we've shown everyone who wrote us off beforehand that we're not very far off the top.

“We gave it our best shot, but it wasn’t quite enough.”

Neal Collins is in South Africa to promote his book A GAME APART. For more details see www.nealcollins.co.uk.

So that's why Fernando Torres is playing like an Englishman in South Africa

So that’s why Fernando Torres is playing like an Englishman in South Africa. His not-so-secret agent thinks he’s James bloody Bond. The rumoured £70m move from Chelsea to Liverpool appears to under discussion DURING the World Cup.

The soon-to-be ex-darling of Anfield has produced a series of performances here which nearly defy belief. As Spain prepare to take on Germany in Durban on Wednesday for a place in the World Cup final, he must reflect on five games without the merest sniff of a goal.

Torres and his new haircut have lasted a total of 268 minutes so far as frustrated boss Vincente Del Bosche offers him the cushion time and again, preferring to rely on Barcelona-bound David Villa.

The comparisons with Wayne Rooney are fascinating. Roon, so off form for England it was embarrassing, managed six shots on goal in four games. Torres has achieved that many in five. Rooney hit six on target, Torres just two. Villa? He’s had 23 shots, 14 on target, and scored five goals including the quarter-final winner against Paraguay, after Torres had resumed his usual role on the bench.

The general diagnosis of Sampsonitis can now be dismissed. Cutting those flowing blond locks has nothing to do with his sudden loss of virility as Spain battled their way through to the last four at this World Cup.

Instead, we learn that his agent, Jose Antonio Martin, has been negotiating a move away from Liverpool - while his client should be focused on helping his nation to an historic global triumph. After their shock opening loss against Switzerland, the European Champions have fought back manfully – with talismanic Torres relegated to the role of onlooker.

Today Martin finally admitted: “We are working on Fernando’s future. It is very likely he will stay in the Premier League, but I cannot say that it will be with Liverpool. You cannot guarantee that he will stay at Anfield.” If you look carefully between the lines of this statement, you may just make out the words: “Please, Mr Abramovich, I’ve been begging since May. Spend your roubles on my client and give me ten percent”.

It’s no surprise of course. Liverpool suffered their worst season since the Beatles had long hair last season. They finished seventh in the Premier League, crashed out of the Champions League in the group stages and were generally laughable rather than lethal.

With those two charming Americans Hicks and Gillette squabbling over a price for the historic footballing jewel they picked up on the cheap, European conqueror Rafa Benitez has departed, pulling out what's left of his Portuguese hair. Roy Hodgson, though he is hardly the new Bill Shankly, has been asked to pick up the pieces, presumably on a tight budget given their reported debt of £472.5 million. That’s what he did best at Fulham. Hodgson’s previous attempts at bigger clubs – Inter Milan and Blackburn – have hardly sparkled.

Given the need for profit rather than pride, Yossi Benayoun has already left for Chelsea, Torres will join him if owner Roman Abramovich can afford it ... Javier Mascherano and Albert Riera are in the shop window too. And then there are all those desperately denied rumours about Stevie Gerrard needing to flee the city. Tough times.

Of course Liverpool fans will be outraged. At the crux of their winter of woe, Torres hobbled off for a second bout of ankle surgery, ensuring he was fit and fresh for the World Cup campaign.

As the spotlight turns full glare on the 26-year-old Atletico Madrid product, he says: “Hopefully Mr Del Bosque is happy. And the team too. It is a difficult tournament for me.

“I didn't arrive in the best moment in terms of fitness, especially after two operations but I'm happy with the things I am doing. Everyone has to try to give a bit to the team to get the best."

Despite his appalling form for Spain, the locals are insisting on a move to Barcelona. But special agent Martin is licensed to kill that rumour. He said: “I can rule that out. Barca have signed Villa and now they want to invest the money they have in other players.”

With his agent doubtless on the phone most nights, Torres says in public: “The World Cup is too important to think about what happens after that. I was happy Roy Hodgson got the job at Liverpool. He did really well at Fulham. I have a contract. After the World Cup, I'll have time to talk with him.”

The Germans must be loving every minute of this particular transfer saga.

Neal Collins is in South Africa to mourn England’s departure and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

He will be speaking at the World Journalism Education Congress in Grahamstown tomorrow morning at 11am.

German joy and Oranje juice is the taste of South Africa 2010

Suddenly South Africa finds itself thrust back into the colonial age. The bright flags of Latin America and Africa are flying mournfully at half-mast, the orange of Holland is back in vogue after a hundred-year absence.

The first World Cup semi-final between the Netherlands and Uruguay in Cape Town on Tuesday will be held within a Jabulani free-kick of the castle the Dutch built in this country nearly four hundred years ago.

A cheeky bloke called Jan van Riebeeck turned up there in 1652 and dubbed it the Cape of Good Hope. Then, as you would expect from a European manager holding wary of an African strike force, he built a five-cornered castle in 1679. It still stands today and they still call one of the turrets Oranje. And that’s the colour the nation will turn this week as Africa’s most southerly outpost goes back to its European roots.

Sadly Ghana, the last African nation, fell to Uruguay in controversial circumstances in Friday’s quarter-final at Soccer City. Luis Suarez’s handball and Gyan Asamoah’s subsequent last-second penalty miss saw the South Americans through on a shoot-out. Ironically, the fifth-best CONMEBOL nation are the last survivors after a tense penalty shoot-out. As a response to that annoying win over the Blacks Stars rather than any true affection for their former colonial masters, South Africa will turn a lurid shade of orange on Tuesday.

Many here still speak Afrikaans – also known as Kitchen Dutch – and as Cape Town-bound jets filled with Dutch supporters blaze a trail across the skies over Africa, a joyful reunion of sorts can be expected. Uruguay, with the dastardly Suarez (he also helped put Bafana Bafana out in Group A) suspended, Bert van Marwijk’s side are expected to glide comfortably into the final at Soccer City on July 12.

Ironically, in a nation where the Afrikaners generally prefer to play rugby, German footballers have captured the imagination too. Lutherans from Bavaria flocked here with the Dutch 300 years ago, contributing plenty to the early culture of the Afrikaner interlopers.

Yesterday’s emphatic 4-0 win over Argentina was predicted by this writer – but that scoreline was unimaginable. I said Diego Maradona was their weak link all along, and the bearded one’s abject failure to respond to the German Blitzkrieg proved the point with some relish.

German boss Joachim Loew oozed: “We talked about many things, and my team did so many of them to perfection, it was terrific.”

Spain, who will oppose the Germans in the Durban semi-final next Wednesday, looked far less impressive in their 1-0 win over Paraguay, a dull affair at Ellis Park which was brightened only be two penalty misses in the space of a minute. With Liverpool’s Fernando Torres looking distinctly unsettled, David Villa was the 83^rd minute match-winner once more. He is their only hope of an upset at the Moses Mabhida Stadium – though Iker Casillas, the ageless Real Madrid goalkeeper, may prove hard to beat.

Coach Vincente del Bosque confessed: “We didn’t play well and we never looked comfortable. We are not scared of Germany but I think they are playing better than anyone right now. We are strong, though, and we can take on anyone, including the Germans.”

The top scorers in the tournament, Germany have scored four goals three times in this tournament. Apart from their upset 1-0 defeat against Serbia in Group D, they have barely put a foot wrong.

So the great Latin American powers, so dominant in the early stages of this World Cup, are gone. It’s got to be a Germany v Netherlands final. And I’ll pick the oranges once more.

Neal Collins is in South Africa to mourn for England and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

To see him perform at the National Arts Festival tonight go tohttp://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.

No quarter given as Uruguay and Holland advance to the semi-finals, leaving Ghana, Brazil and the Rat & Parrot devastated

World Cup fans are advised to spend some of their time in Africa glimpsing lion and buffalo. Alternatively, you could try the Rat and Parrot for the big game.
Yeah, yeah, it’s a pub. But not just any drinking hole, this one’s reserved for wild life in Grahamstown, about 100km inland from Port Elizabeth and tribes of celebrating Dutchmen in bright orange.
They call this the “City of Churches”. Last night it was a town of tears as Ghana, Africa’s last hope at the continent’s first World Cup, crashed out amid injustice and recrimination at Soccer City in Johannesburg.
Having witnessed the drama of Holland’s shock 2-1 quarter-final win over champions-elect Brazil first hand in Port Elizabeth, I expected a quiet night as I made my first return to Grimstown (the less austere nickname) since 1982.
This is the home of Rhodes University, where I graduated nearly 30 years ago with a scrap of paper which claimed I was a bachelor of journalism. I’ve been married to a keyboard ever since.
It’s also the home of South Africa’s burgeoning National Arts Festival; that dark drive from the delights of Dutch victory at the Nelson Mandela Bay Stadium was supposed to be taking me away from the World Cup whirl we have been cocooned in for the past month.
But no, the art-farty thousands here have an astonishing appetite for drama, ballet and all that jazz. Yes, I’m talking Ghana v Uruguay.
Shakespeare – or was it Marlowe? – couldn’t have scripted this one. The Rat & Parrot couldn’t bear to watch it. We were united in grief as Asamoah Gyan’s last-minute penalty rocked the bar at Soccer City, not to mention the bar in the Rat.
As the only man in an England shirt at both quarter-final gatherings, my immediate verdict (being an articulate analyst of the game for 40 years) was: “Bollocks.” Those around me used the more descriptive terms like “kak”, which I shall leave the Dutch to translate.
If foreigners who decried this World Cup want evidence of how wrong they were, yesterday was a perfect day for it. Port Elizabeth, heaving with 35,000 painted ladies (and men) in gold and orange, was stunning. Soccer City, packed with 83,000 Ghanaian fans, was humming. The Rat & Parrot, filled with actors and artists, was brimming.
From my perch in the Parrot on a metal strut under a table in the left-hand bar, it was clear Ghana were the better side. Last time I was in Grahamstown in 1982, Apartheid was in full cry. Now, black, white and green were united by a passion for art, football and Klipdrif (apparently it’s a local brandy, I thought it was medicinal).
For 90 minutes the Rainbow Nation showed it’s true colours. Not just the long-departed gold of South Africa, but the deep black of Africa. Bafana Bafana had become Baghana Baghana. Even devoted rugby fans in the Rat appeared to accept their roles as continental cohorts.
When the Black Stars’ naughty boy Sulley Muntari put the “home” side ahead right on half-time, the place Rat nearly ruptured. Drinks and flags flew. But when the deadly Diego Forlan’s free-kick found a way past Wigan reject Richie Kingson for the equaliser, an eery silence fell.
And then that dramatic last minute. Desperate Uruguay cleared one of the line. Then another – but wait, surely… Luis Suarez had handled on the line. Off he went.
Up stepped Asamoah for the winning spot kick. Just 12 yards to propel the leather sphere. But as so often in the tournament, the lightweight Jabulani ball flew high… and hit the woodwork. Oh the pain.
Asamoah was inconsolable. When pictures of Suarez celebrating his miss were beamed around the world, football took another small step back into the dark ages when cheaters prospered. Still, he’ll miss the semi-final against Holland at Green Point on Tuesday.
We were in to the penalty shoot-out. And somehow everybody knew. Uruguay. My guess is Cape Town will turn orange in response.

England's World Cup exit over-shadowed by Gerrard rumours: 150,000 million good reasons why we should know more

Nearly a week after their dismal exit from the World Cup, the truth about Engalnd’s dismal display at South Africa 2010 is beginning to emerge.

On Sunday morning, when four million copies of the News of the World hit the doormats across the green and pleasant land, we may know more.

But for now, we must content ourselves with rumour and innuendo – gossip which goes back THREE MONTHS, to the fateful day I emailed the Daily Express with a snippet of information on Steve Gerrard which seemed almost unbelievable had it not come from a good source.

The Express refused to print – rightly so given our lack of hard facts – but the Daily Mail did catch Gerrard’s wife Alex Curran out and about without her wedding ring two days later... and ran the story. And reports that Gerrard had moved out of the family home to the Vincent Hotel in Southport were rife.

The great irony of all this is that Gerrard was made captain of England’s abortive campaign in South Africa when Rio Ferdinand was injured in his first training session at the Royal Marang hotel.

John Terry, stripped of the captaincy over his affair with former team-mate Wayne Bridge’s partner Vanessa Perroncel, was understandably miffed. His attempt to gain an injunction against the story had succeeded for two weeks, then fell apart. He had argued that the story would have ruined his World Cup campaign. Apparently the Gerrard story – involving several other characters including a player from a less fashionable club - stays hushed up for exactly those reasons.

And if you have a quick squint at today’s Sun – the News of the World’s daily stable-mate – you’ll read how David Beckham was forced to make the peace when Gerro and JT went head-to-head before the 4-1 capitulation against Germany in Bloemfontein last Sunday.

Journalists aren’t supposed to operate on rumours, but when injunctions are flying and google provides a clearer picture of what’s actually going on than our newspapers can, something has to be said.

Around 30,000 England fans made the 12-hour flight to South Africa to watch England under-perform. Each of them spent in the region of £5,000 as the Three Lions failed to roar against the US, Algeria and even Slovenia. And then went out with barely a miaow against the Germans. I make that 150 million good reasons to fill you in a little on the rumours which have surrounded the England camp for weeks.

I’ve said repeatedly on air and in my written reports during this World Cup that it is hard for Fabio Capello to manage a side where so many players are racked by domestic upheaval. Ashley Cole and his wife Cheryl are going through a painful divorce, Frank Lampard has set out on a high profile relationship with a television presenter after he split with Elen Rives, the mother of his children. Robert Green’s girlfriend was pictured with another man during the tournament while Terry and Carragher seethed over their cornflakes for a month at the Royal Bafokeng Sports Campus. Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch and others have also had their tabloid embarrassments.

With that sort of bad feeling eating away at the squad, is it any wonder they underperformed? Remember, the £100,000-a-week stars are well known in South Africa – and around the world. Every week they produce football of the highest standard in the Premier League. England qualified for this tournament in fine style under Capello’s stern eye. Yet they could barely raise a gallop against modest Algeria when the Barmy Army turned up in Cape Town to cheer them on.

And when it came to the crunch against Germany, they had only the Lampard disallowed goal to fall back on as an excuse. In truth, when Lamps scored his equaliser, they could have been 4-1 down such was the dominance of German’s young guns.
An unhappy Terry stands as the main character in this story. I wrote this at the time: http://neal-collins.blogspot.com/2010/01/story-theyve-finally-allowed-us-to.html.

His discontent spilled over into the public domain when he gave an astonishing press conference in Phokeng two Sundays ago. He complained about not being allowed a beer after the Slovenia debacle, he said boredom had become a factor at one of the world’s best-equipped high-altitude training camps... and bemoaned the non-selection of his Chelsea pal Joe Cole.

His direct attack on Capello’s authority was quickly slapped down. An apology of sorts was issued through the Daily Mail’s Matt Lawton, the man who had leaked the news of Green’s axing for the Algeria game after his Phokeng awful blunder against the US. Lampard was wheeled out to paper over the cracks. By then England’s campaign was doomed.

After the Slovenia game, Terry called the players into a huddle, challenging Gerrard’s captaincy. Beckham, the statesman and newly-appointed assistant coach, was forced to broker a fragile peace which kept things out of the public domain until after their embarrassing exit.

But that cease-fire will be blown asunder if – make that when – the Gerrard allegations are made public. Then Terry, a man who lives beyond his means despite his £140,000-a-week wage at Stamford Bridge, will be able to say “I told you so” and claim he should never have lost the captaincy and his major source of extra income.

Losing the armband came only months after his minders had put a poorly-spelt colour brochure around, touting Terry as a leader worth investing in. This is how it looked: http://neal-collins.blogspot.com/2009/11/john-influencial-terry-england-captain.html. On top of that, Terry’s mum and his mother-in-law had been caught shop-lifting. His father was pictured in the News of the World dealing drugs. The man has huge problems despite – or perhaps because of - his status as one of England’s senior professionals.

I suspect Gerrard will join the Liverpool exodus to find refuge with Rafa Benitez at Inter Milan or elsewhere. Roy Hodgson knows full well the impact that will have on Anfield after last season’s dreadful performances, which may also have had something to do with the Gerrard situation.

Today the Sun bides it’s time. News International, owners of Sky, the Sunday Times, the Times and the News of the World, lulls us into a sense of well-being. We see Frank Lampard kissing his girlfriend Christine and drinking wine on holiday. Rooney, who is also believed to be under scrutiny, is reported to have flown first class to Barbados to escape the England inquest.

And we even have a picture of Alex Curran, Gerrard’s wife, having her hair done.

The calm before the storm. Prior to the World Cup, I said leave these people alone, let them get on with the business of righting 44 years of hurt since 1966. Now I’m not so sure. England’s long-suffering fans deserve an explanation. Let them have it.

Neal Collins is in South Africa to mourn for England and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

To see him perform at the National Arts Festival on July 4, go to http://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.

It's Argentina v Germany in Cape Town and the real World Cup may start right here

Just down the road from me at the Velmore Estate, the Germans have left for Cape Town and their biggest challenge of this World Cup. Argentina in the quarter-final at Green Point on Saturday. Some game.

In 1986 and 1990, these two old rivals contested the final. Germany won a forgettable showdown 1-0 in Rome amid much referee-pushing and controversy.

This World Cup can’t afford another debacle like that. Too many games – Spain’s tired win over Portugal, Paraguay’s penalty shoot-out defeat of Japan – have left fans hoping for better.

I think they are be about to see that as the quarter-finals roll out across South Africa.

The Germans, normally such thorough planners, have had a few set-backs here. First came news that their luxurious Velmore base near remote Erasmia had no planning permission and had been built on the Hennops River flood plain.

They got over that, settled in... and crushed Australia 4-0 in their opening game. But then came a shocking 1-0 defeat against stubborn Serbia and everything was back in the balance. Their final group win over Ghana sent them through as Group D winners against Group C runners-up England.

A cracking 4-1 win dismantled the old enemy, with Wayne Rooney and Co travelling home in disgrace after “that” goal from Frank Lampard was disallowed, in the style of 1966.

And now the German’s topsy-turvy campaign moves to Cape Town, 1,000 miles south, a two-hour flight... where they must meet Argentina, who boast perhaps the most talented squad at this World Cup.

Argentina have been preparing about 20 miles away at Pretoria University’s High Performance Centre. South Africa’s administrative capital has been buzzing with Argentines for three weeks now. They’re everywhere, lapping up the South Africa experience.

And while England, France and Italy went home under a cloud, the atmosphere under the slightly crazy Diego Maradona has been awesome. At the end of every training session, dodgy Diego lines up his five-a-side losers and allows his victors to pelt their victims proffered bottoms with a firmly struck Jabulani.

It may be a super light World Cup ball, but boy it can sting. But cigar-puffing Maradona’s levity appears to work a lot better than the strict discipline and unsmiling regime of Fabio Capello and Ramond Domenech.

Capello appears to have avoided the chop for misreading the World Cup campaign, Domenech may yet face the guillotine for his part in France’s nearly pointless appearance at this World Cup.

But for Maradona, who has been bitter criticised throughout qualifying, everything is turning up roses.

After struggling to emerge from the exhausting CONMEBOL qualifying campaign in fourth place, Argentina started with a 1-0 win over Nigeria, then came wins over South Korea and Greece. Along with Holland, they were the only perfect group winners with nine points, scoring seven goals and conceding just one.

Then came a rousing 3-1 win over Mexico in their first knock-out game at Loftus Versfeld on Sunday. Argentina appear ready to join the Latin American party at this World Cup, with a CONMEBOL nation contesting every quarter-final.

Like Ghana, Holland and Spain, the battle to overcome Latin American opposition and reach the last four is about to begin in earnest.

Maradona refused to get involved in a war of words with the Germans, saying simply: “They said I had no idea about how to coach. But suddenly I am winning matches and I am still the same guy."

But how about this from Germany’s Bastian Schweinsteiger. He witnessed the unseemly row after a clearly off-side Carlos Tevez goal in the win over Mexico and said: “You could see their behavior at half-time against Mexico. When you look at their body language and gesticulations, the way they try to influence the referees, they have no respect. It's their mentality and character, and we'll have to adjust.”

And this from Thomas Mueller, scorer of two goals in as many minutes in the epic win over England. Maradona thought he was a ball-boy when they first met, and Mueller growls: "Now I have won two titles and played in the Champions League with Bayern, so a few things have changed. As a coach I can't judge him but the results and the convincing way Argentina are playing means he is doing things right.”

Germany, fielding their youngest World Cup squad in 70 years, are the unpredictable side in the last eight. Maradona’s once-inconsistent squad appear to be the dominant force. For once, I’ll back the Germans. But only because Maradona is bonkers!

Neal Collins is in South Africa to mourn for England and promote his first novel A GAME APART. See www.nealcollins.co.uk.

The first penalty shoot-out of the World Cup: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kM8TJJ6RIqo

To see him perform at the National Arts Festival on July 4, go tohttp://www.computicket.com/web/event/neal_collins_a_game_apart/148367625.