Carlos Tevez: The case for his defence

Carlos Tevez. Disgraceful. Ridiculous. Disgusting. And those are just the nicer things they’re saying about the talented little Argentinian after he allegedly refused to play for Manchester City at Bayern Munich on Tuesday night.

Manager Roberto Mancini, who has had to deal with a fair few disgruntled players in his billionaire-infested dressing room over the past 18 months, says Tevez will never kick a ball for City again.

The former Liverpool and Scotland manager Graeme Souness sounded like he might have shot the bloke for his bizarre actions on the bench at the Allianz Stadion.

And yes, for a bloke paid £250,000-a-week, you’d expect better. At least a ten-minute burst, though it wouldn’t have made much of a difference on a night when City were comprehensively outplayed, one of those nights when they lost 2-0 and were lucky to get nil.

But I have a case for the defence Carlos Alberto Tévez, the 27-year-old from the mean streets of Ciudadela in Buenos Aires. Though he stands barely 5ft 8in (1.73m) high, he somehow survived the toughest of upbringings in the distinctly dodgy neighbourhood of Ejército de Los Andes, known as "Fuerte Apache". And he grew up to become "El Apache" with his elaborate skills attracting the attention of Boca Juniors.

Scarred by boiling water as a child – he was in intensive care for two months after the incident – Tevez refuses to have cosmetic surgery when he made it as a young professional. When Boca Juniors offered a cosmetic surgeon, he said simply: “My scars are part of who I am.”

But other, less obvious scars remain. As a youngster, Tevez found himself in a difficult position in those early years in Argentina. So along came a company called Media Sports Investments, and an Iranian-born agent called Kia Joorabchian.

Both Tevez and his mate, Javier Mascherano, suddenly found the money pouring in... but at a price. Joorabchian and his company now owned the pair’s registrations. Against all FIFA regulations, Tevez had effectively had his footballing soul purchased.

The rest is history. The controversial loan move to West Ham United from Brazilian club Corinthians, where he had been named player of the season. A difficult start in London, but then the goals which saved the Hammers from relegation in 2007. Remember all that? The last-gasp goal against Manchester United. Salvation. The furore when it was discovered West Ham didn’t actually own his registration.

Sheffield United tried to sue, the FA looked generally confused, FIFA made statements... and Manchester United quietly moved in for Tevez, while Mascherano sloped off to Liverpool... and eventually Barcelona.

Though successful with United, Tevez then made the shock move across the great divide to Manchester City amid further stormy headlines and, worse, angry frowns from Sir Alex Ferguson.

Why did he make the move? Simple. The poor bloke is still run by Joorabchian. He still gets a cut. When Tevez demanded a transfer over the summer – despite a fine season at Eastlands last season – what did we find? A certain Kia Joorabchian telling us: “Everybody is working to make this happen, me, Corinthians, Tevez and Adrian Ruocco (another of Tevez’s representatives). It is impossible to determine the situation, but I think it’s close.”

I didn’t happen of course. But given the week’s events, it might now. And that’s my defence of Tevez. Yes, he should be raring to play at every opportunity for a club that pays him all that money. But he claims there was a misunderstanding... and he’s got Kia Joorabchian plotting his every move.

A couple of weeks ago, after claiming Tevez wanted to be closer to his wife and family in Argentina, Joorabchian claimed he nearly pulled off a swap deal, with Wesley Sneider moving to City and Tevez to Inter Milan.

That didn’t happen either. But Joorabchian, explaining why Mrs Tevez and the kids might be happier in Milan than Manchester, insisted: “Carlos is the kind of player who adapts everywhere he goes. He adapts to every league and has won every major domestic competition he has ever played in. He himself has no problem with Manchester but, culturally, Milan or Spain would be easier for the wife to adapt to.”

Really? Or is this all about money. And the share of the transfer and wage negotiations which will go the way of Mr Joorabchian.

That shame of it is, Tevez is one of the finest talents to appear in the Premier League. But from where I sit, his career has been blighted by what amounts to being footballing slavery.

And for that reason, I find it hard to condemn the man.

England's latest balls-up at RWC2011 sees mystery man Dave Alred banned

Dave Alred, the enigmatic brain behind the boot of Jonny Wilkinson, has been banned from entering Eden Park when England face Scotland in Auckland on Saturday - after being found guilty of “ball tampering”.

No, this isn’t the Cricket World Cup, it’s rugby’s great showpiece – and England have been told they will be thrown out of the tournament in New Zealand if they attempt to switch balls again.

Alred and conditioning coach Paul Stridgeon will both have to stay in the team hotel for the make-of-break clash against the old enemy. Both men have been found guilty of switching balls for Wilkinson in the comfortable win over Romania last Saturday.

Alred, a former kicker for the Minnesota Vikings in the American NFL, spends at least at least two hours a day kicking with Wilkinson, rain or shine, and is worried about his bootiful charge’s current form. The pair have developed a close relationship which verges on the obsessive - as the current storm suggests.

Alred, who has also been used to help the kicking of England football goalkeeper David James and others, rarely comments in public and was not put up for interview as the England camp responded to the “Ballgate” controversy.

A RWC Ltd investigation revealed Alred and Stridgeon changed balls illegally before two conversions taken by Wilkinson in Dunedin. On neither occasion did England request permission for the switch from referee Romain Poite. Video evidence shows the try-scoring ball being kicked away before Wilko is given the “better” ball to use for the conversion.

Rugby World Cup regulations insist the try-scoring ball must be used but Alred felt that one of the eight numbered balls was “better for kicking” and ensured Wilko used that ball for his kicks. At half-time, the England management were warned to stop tampering.

The English RFU took swift action against Stridgeon and Alred – widely considered to be the key to Wilkinson’s World Cup-winning heroics in 2003 – ensuring that Wilko and team boss Martin Johnson will not need to give evidence in a possible misconduct hearing.

The RFU admitted: “Two management members took it upon themselves to substitute balls during the match in contravention of both the laws and spirit of the game. This suspension means that they will not be able to be in the stadium for the next match in any capacity.

"The RFU fully accepts that the action of those team management members was incorrect. The RFU has therefore decided to reprimand those team management members, to warn them as to their future conduct and to suspend them from participation in England's next game. "

After the RFU’s statement, the RWC responded: "We accept the RFU's assurances that it will abide by both the laws and the spirit of the game going forward. However, it must be pointed out that any similar breaches in future will be dealt with severely.”

England, under pressure off the field after Mike Tindall’s dwarf-throwing antics, have already been in hot water with RWC officials for having shirt numbers which peeled off in the edgy opening win against Argentina.

And lock Courtney Lawes became the first player to be suspended at this World Cup after kneeing Argentina hooker Mario Ledesma in the head during a tackle. The latest controversy will not make the Red Rose any more popular as England bid for a record third consecutive World Cup final appearance.

Johnson made three changes to his team yesterday in the build-up to that final Group B game against Scotland in Auckland on Saturday – but kept fellow 2003 hero Wilko at fly-half ahead of Toby Flood.

England can afford to lose but only if they avoid defeat by seven and take a losing bonus point. A win would see Johnson’s men play France in the quarter-finals, with a semi against Ireland or Wales.

Johnson, adopting a approach similar to the one he used over the furore surrounding Tindall early in the tournament, said: "It is unfortunate we have had to take this action but ultimately there was a breach of the laws of the game. It's happened, some action has been taken and we have to move on."

Wilkinson, who struggled with his kicking beneath the roof against Argentina, missing a record five attempts, said: "I'm not going to comment on the ball-switch issue. It's not a place I want to put my foot right now.

"Whatever we have been through has brought us as close as we can possibly be and we know the direction we want to go.

“The Scotland game means so much to this team, this squad. That’s why it feels so tense."

The voice of rugby backs Springboks to win the World Cup: They'll do it by stealth says Eddie Butler

Eddie Butler does not suffer fools, gladly or gwladly, to use the Welsh phrase meaning “righteous nation”.

That’s why, when the former Welsh captain starts talking about South Africa winning this World Cup in New Zealand, people tend to listen. The fact that he’s well over six foot, has fathered six children and is still intimidating at 54 helps too.

Yesterday in the British Observer newspaper – not one of those trashy tabloid phone-hacking scandal sheets – the world’s finest rugby commentator was quite emphatic about how the Springboks are doing in the land of the long white cloud.

Though the Springboks left South Africa under a cloud of their own, Butler reckons the reigning champions are quietly on course to become the first nation to win the Webb Ellis Cup three times.

Despite a highly-fortunate 17-16 victory over Butler’s Wales in their opening Pool D encounter, the most respected voice of rugby in Britain insists: “South Africa seem in an ominously understated mood. Even in “Little Jo'burg” last Thursday night, in front of a massed throng of expats in North Shore, their 87-0 victory against Namibia was registered as routine. The defending champions seem to be doing this World Cup by stealth.

“Perhaps it was that game against Wales that has knocked them off the radar. There is a theory that they spent so much time with all their sponsors at swanky farewell parties back home that they arrived a little overfed and watered in New Zealand. We know how dangerous it can be to party hard.

“There is another theory: that Wales simply played very well and provided the kick in the rear that the defending champions needed.”

I’ve been saying that all along and taking flak from the not-so-sheepish Wales fans on www.gwladrugby.com, but such theories carry weight when Butler insists: “South Africa are not light on confidence on any road, even if for the moment it is hushed. As is their coach, Peter de Villiers, normally a car crash of quotes waiting to happen. Many South Africans are embarrassed by his gaffes. On Schalk Burger's eye-gouging incident in 2009, he said: "Rugby is a contact sport. Shall we all go out and buy tutus?"

“But there seems to be a growing body of support for De Villiers, especially among Afrikaans speakers who recognise that what comes out of his mouth in English may have started off as a slightly less outlandish thought in his first language.

“Besides, it may serve the Springboks well to have a coach who pulls all the attention towards himself.”

South Africans – especially those who love to watch the Afrikaans-only braai-barbeque World Cup match-day magazine programme “Toks and Tjops” (which is unlikely to attract Julius Malema as a guest anytime soon) – will be particularly intrigued to hear Butler insist: “It is said that De Villiers’ internal man-management skills are excellent, and that his players adore him.”

Butler points out: “When it came to the last rounds of the Tri-Nations, at home, the Springboks lost to Australia, but beat New Zealand – or New Zealand B – in their last game. Then they ate, said goodbye, travelled here, were scared by Wales and started to put themselves back into shape against Fiji (49-3) and Namibia (87-0). They are cranking it up.”

With Bismarck du Plessis –arguably the world’s best hooker despite the presence of World Cup winning captain John Smit starting ahead of him in New Zealand - ready to be launched in the Springboks’ final pool match on Friday, Butler believes De Villiers has been spot on with tricky selection problems.

As I said on eTV’s Sunrise on Monday morning, Bismarck will emerge against Samoa with steam coming out of his ears and Butler says: “The Springboks still beat themselves up a bit as to whether Smit should be keeping Bismarck out of the starting line-up. But the captaincy of South Africa comes with baggage that no other country can imagine, and Smit has done wonders as an ambassador facing the outside world and as a glue keeping his team together. He should be allowed to choose the moment of his departure.”

With his usual sharp eye for form, Butler also points out the value of Danie Russouw, the 33-year-old who has shone at lock while the iconic Blue Bull Victor Matfield and his “not so batterproof” partner Bakkies Botha struggle with injury.

He argues: “It’s typical of the rising determination of the Springboks that Rossouw, even at the ripe old age of 33, has seized his chance and has been outstanding.

“Schalk Burger is back to his rampaging best. He insisted on returning to the field against Namibia, with stitches in his head, when he could have chosen to have the rest of the evening off. There seems to be an infectious enthusiasm among even the old guard.”

Butler also highlights the form of Frans Steyn and Jaque Fourie and argues Bryan Habana, who scored a record-breaking 39^th Bok try against Namibia – should make way for Francois Hougaard on the wing.

He says: “Hougaard looks a bundle of cranky energy, aggressive, darting and speedy. He is almost the team's talisman, the player who prefers to play at scrum-half but who has come on as a wing and made a real impact. He is the sign that the Springboks are stirring.”

And as for all that guff about South Africa throwing Friday’s clash with Samoa in an attempt to meet Ireland rather than Australia in the quarter-finals, Butler blusters: “There's no chance of that. Route one, please, that goes through the brick wall, all the way to the title.”

England's new batting sensation Alex Hales: a godfather's emotional reflections

I had my first chat with England’s new batting sensation Alex Hales in January, 1989. It wasn’t much of an interview. He dribbled a bit, farted and threw up on my best work shirt.

The 6ft 5in (1.96m) Nottinghamshire opener, who scored an undefeated 62 off 48 balls to help England to a ten-wicket T20 success over the West Indies at The Oval on Friday night, was barely two days old when he first met. A few months later, I became his godfather at Denham Parish Church in Buckingshamshire. And 22 years on, when he reached that first international milestone in just his second international appearance, I was in tears 5,000 miles away.

Last month, when he was snared leg before by India’s Praveen Kumar after two balls of his England debut, it had been tears of a different sort. That’s what happens when you see somebody you have known all your life suffer the cruellest of ducks live on a television screen.

Tears? Yup, sorry. Emotional moments. Alex’s father Gary and I played football and cricket together for years after we met kicking about for the now sadly defunct (and little known) Chalfont Athletic in 1985. Golf and tennis too. Squash and snooker. Even darts. The Hales genes were never hard to spot. Gaz would crush me on all fronts. He’d even beat me left-handed at table-tennis. Easily.

Gary could have been a top cricketer. He scored a double ton for Ealing in his teenage years. His brother and Alex’s uncle David did the same at Uxbridge. The Hales brothers broke all kinds of records over the years in the local leagues.

Gary once had a game stopped when an outraged neighbour strode on to the pitch at Denham to complain about the seven sixes he’d put into his garden. Made the front page of the local paper. I think Gary got about 180 that day. I was at the other end on about 40. It was the same when I batted with Alex years later.

Alex’s grandfather Dennis, just last year, showed me the yellowing cuttings of his epic encounter at Wimbledon against the great Rod Laver circa 1967. And he was still hitting a cricket ball with some venom despite a dodgy hip deep into his pensionable years.

But none of the older Haleses really got the chance to showcase their sporting prowess. Den was a Middlesex bus driver, Gary and David were Gerrards Cross postmen when fame and fortune called. Always easier to make it to the top when you’ve got a public school and a family name behind you.

Alex had some of that. But only because he was always such a bloody giant. Taller than his peers – and my son Kriss, a year older – before he came out of nappies, Hales had trouble keeping his head down. He could hit a golf ball 50 yards when he was two. Kick a football through a window. Put a stone over the fence when other kids threw like pansies.

At Denham First School, the dinner ladies decided the big kid was the one behind all the trouble in the playground. When he hurriedly moved to St Joseph’s Primary in neighbouring Chalfont St Peter he was banned from the school bus in the first week.

That’s when Gary and I decided a private school might help Alex’s development. Gaz went looking for Locker’s Park Prep in Hemel Hempstead after seeing an advert in the local Bucks Advertiser... but they ended up going to the wrong place – Westbrook Hay, a tiny, sports-mad institution just down the A41. The sports coach took one look at this towering bundle of talent and gave Alex Daniel Hales a sports scholarship.

A couple of years in boarding school settled the big kid. He ended up at the nearby Grammar School – they still have the medieval 11-plus in Buckinghamshire – in Chesham.

By then Hales was already something of a phenomenon. Gary and long-suffering sports mum Lisa had moved to the cottage on the side of the Wade-Tillard Memorial Ground in Denham, not a stone’s throw from the home of actor Sir John Mills.

There’s a grainy video somewhere of dad and god-father hurling down deliveries at eachother when Alex was one and my twins, Kriss and Laura were two. Not text book childminding for fathers, but I don’t recall any tantrums as they watched their sweating fathers from pram-side seats. Clearly, even the mightily talented Alex was too young to participate... but I guess he was taking it all in. Probably gurgling at my turgid batting style.

The edge of the cricket ground was a lovely place to live if you love the outdoor life and don’t mind lethal sixes flying over the fence. Great too, for a youngster eager to play the game. Alex was 10 the first time Denham’s Sunday XI found themselves a man short and Gary’s boy was hurriedly enlisted.

His first adult game and we put him on from the posh end, with the sprawling mansions rather than council houses behind the bowler’s arm. He was that good. His line and length never deviated. Those crack-of-dawn Sunday morning sessions at High Wycombe and Gerrards Cross, the local cricket nurseries, had paid off. As had the endless hours spent in the single, tatty cricket net at Denham.

Strange thing is, Alex was a bowler then. Too tall and too quick for his own good. Quickly spotted by the Hertfordshire junior selectors while he was at Westbrook, he was dropped at Under 14 level for “bowling too aggressively in the nets”. Gary made a quick call to Buckinghamshire and progress resumed. Wickets and bruises all round. Genuine pace and plenty of height made him nearly unplayable as an opening bowler.

Oh, he could bat a bit too. At 15 he came down to play for Chalfont St Peter’s mighty Sunday Second XI, taking a break from the increasingly onerous Saturday League cricket at local rivals Gerrards Cross. Opposition sides refused to play against us if “that Hales boy” was about. But we’d wheel him out for our annual Sunday derby against the Cross, who were once hit for 182 not out by their own young prodigy. Even the mighty Sunday Seconds won if Alex and younger brother Nick were about.

Look, it wasn’t just cricket. Like his father, Alex was a superb footballer. In 2005, aged 16, Alex joined my local Chesham Sunday League outfit, the Three Pigeons. The year before he joined we were the worst side in the area, ending our inaugural season winless after conceding over 100 goals in Division Two. Surrounded by the toughest of local youngsters with his father in goal and me next to him at centre-back, Alex serenely helped us to a League title and a local cup success.

Alex was phenomenal with a tennis raquet too, often upsetting England-ranked juniors at Gerrards Cross Lawn Tennis club where his father had left the Royal Mail to become the groundsman and administrator. Alex could hit a golf ball too. A long, long way. He qualified for district athletics with a single, uncoached triple jump. But cricket remained the passion, records fell with bat and ball.

Neil Burns, the former Somerset and Leicestershire wicket-keeper, picked the lanky youngster out of a mob of 473 hopefuls aged 15 to 24 in a “Bowling Idol” competition at Lord’s. But it wasn’t as a bowler I wrote my first story about Alex, it was as a batsman hitting 55 off a single over in a subsequent pro-celebrity match at Lord’s in 2005. Alex was 16. I wrote this at the time: http://sportinglife.com/cricket/story_get.cgi?STORY_NAME=cricket/05/07/29/manual_150241.html. It proved prescient.

By then, the bigger fish were sniffing about. The MCC Young Cricketers got hold of Alex at 18 at got him down to Lord’s. On his debut at Uxbridge, against a Yorkshire Second XI featuring former England bowler Chris Silverwood – who was genuinely quick – he scored 175 before tea on day one. Watching that day was the Hertfordshire county coach who had axed Alex for being “too aggressive”. Gary had fun chatting with the bloke.

And the rest of course, is his story. History. A move to Nottinghamshire and lengthy drives to Trent Bridge for Gary and Lisa. A late call into the England Under 19 set-up, because Alex hadn’t quite gone to what one might consider a “cricketing school”.

Winters in Australia, with varying degrees of success before a record-breaking double century for South Croydon in Melbourne. A televised 150 not out for Notts in the 40-over competition two summers ago, the highest score of the summer. A place in the England performance squad at the end of 2009 in South Africa. Mike Atherton saying on Sky: “This boy could play for England,” and everyone who knew Alex frantically calling eachother to bathe in reflected glory.

This week came the big breakthrough, 24 hours after winning the PCA Young Cricketer award in London.

Oh, there were other ducks before the debut zero against India. Some of them on the telly, one first baller against Worcestershire in 2009 sticks in the mind. But class can’t be denied. By the time Craig Kieswetter scored the winning runs at The Oval on Friday night, the cricket-speaking world were well aware of Alex Hales’ class.

The new Kevin Pietersen is what I said six years ago. He may be better than that. And not just in the shortest form of the game. He scored over 1,000 runs in the Championship last season and averages 58.99 in the first class games.

And four hours before his big moment at The Oval on Friday, Notts confirmed a two-year contract extension with timing nearly as good as the lad himself.

He’s a good lad, Alex. It hasn’t been plain sailing, there are always ducks about on the tempestuous sea that is a batsman’s life. But it’s full steam ahead now. Proud of you God-son.

See also:

http://neal-collins.blogspot.com/2010/08/hales-storm-while-england-toil-notts.html

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/444628-hales-storm-but-has-anyone-ever-been-out-for-90-twice-in-a-day

Small people in New Zealand beware: Martin Johnson steps in to defend dwarf-throwing Mike Tindall, note drink driving convictions at foot of story‏

England's dwarf-throwing, drink-driving, Kiwi-loving Mike Tindall. What a man. Asked last night if the press attention after his post-Argentina foray in Dunedin had bothered him: "Not really, no."

And it gets better. When curious journalists tried to get Mr Zara Phillips to talk about the pressure he’s been under on the front pages back home, boss Martin Johnson, all 6ft 7in of him, stepped in and stopped the line of questioning with some gusto before Saturday’s Group B clash against minnows Romania.

It was Sky’s experienced rugby follower Phil Edwards who had the guts to ask Tindall (that’s “shamed Tindall” according to today’s Sun in England): “Since captaining England in that opening game we’ve not heard much from you Mike, must have been a bit challenging at times.”

Tindall, deadpan, responded with all the experience a 32-year-old with a 2003 World Cup winners’ medal and 63 caps can muster: “Not really, no. I’m just disappointed I didn’t get a run out against Georgia.”

Pressed further, Tindall – who missed the last World Cup in France with a broken leg - said: “You want to play every game and I was disappointed I didn't get a run out last weekend but you work hard and hope you get picked by the coach every week. It is as simple as that."

And when Edwards, a veteran broadcaster who has covered four World Cups, asked if Tindall’s form might be affected with his wife Zara on her way to the England camp after some tears in Ireland last week, the 2003 World Cup-winning centre grinned: “I hope my own game’s fine.”

And that’s when big, bad Martin put his oar in, with a gruff: “Put it to bed mate.”

When Edwards tried to press things further, arguing that the story would run and run if questions weren’t answered, Johnson growled: “Phil, we’re looking forward to a big game against Romania. I said to you last week what happened. We had this conversation last week, we’ve played a game since then. If you’ve got any questions about that, we’re happy to answer them.

“We’ve moved on. I said what we said last week, we had a long press conference about it. We’ve all moved on.”

Back in the Sky studio, former England scrum-half and rugby analyst Dewi Morris refused to back colleague Edwards. He said: “Martin Johnson, rightly or wrongly, allowed the guys to go out for a drink.

“I think rightly. Martin has treated them as responsible adults, one or two have let them down. I don’t think there’s a story in it.”

Wales-born Morris, who played 26 times for England between 1988 and 1995, added: “As far as people going out for a drink, that’s it. We did it. We didn’t get the same publicity.

“I’m more interested in what Martin Johnson’s going to do against Romania.”

But if you’re of a certain height or are a New Zealander with breasts, it might be best not to go out in Dunedin on Saturday night. Just a thought.

What Wikipedia tells us about Michael James Tindall, MBE: On 21 December 2010 it was announced that he was engaged to Zara Phillips, the daughter of the Princess Royal, and her first husband Captain Mark Phillips. Phillips is the granddaughter of the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh. The wedding was held on 30 July 2011 at Canongate Kirk in Edinburgh with the attendance of all senior members of the Royal Family.

Tindall has two convictions for drink driving.^[10] In 2000 he was disqualified for 16 months (a period which was in excess of the obligatory 12 month disqualification for a first offence).^[11] On 15 March 2008, following a day out at Cheltenham Racing Festival with Phillips, Tindall was stopped by Gloucestershire Police on the M4 motorway and required to take a breath test. In consequence, on 8 January 2009 he was disqualified from driving for three years and fined £500 for drink driving, with £75 costs.

Wilkinson is back and it's do or die for England after "harsh talking" from Johnson

Jonny Wilkinson believes England are ready to bounce back from their stuttering start and make a “do or die” assault on the William Webb Ellis Trophy in New Zealand.

Back in the side for Saturday’s clash with minnows Romania, Wilko insists the current campaign – which has featured a tight 13-9 win over Argentina and a less-than-sparkling 41-10 trouncing of Georgia – can end in a third successive World Cup final on October 23.

He compares the squad’s mood with 2007 in France, when Brian Ashton’s side were crushed by 36-0 by South Africa in their pool clash – but bounced back to play the Springboks in the final, where they lost 15-6 thanks to a controversial disallowed Mark Cueto try.

After a “harsh talking” squad gathering (not a crisis meeting, insisted the England management) this week, Wilko - who missed a record five kicks in the opening win over Argentina - insisted: "It’s the same kind of energy now. That 36-0 defeat sparked a path that we had to go down and thankfully we did.

“Maybe in 2007 we needed to lose to South Africa to make us realise we had to win the next two games against Tonga and Samoa otherwise we'd be out. It’s about accountability. We know we must do better, understand the mistakes we made and we know that ill-discipline in a World Cup is going to cost you.”

Wilko, who has been starting his kicking routine at 7am since his uncharacteristic inaccuracies under the roof at the Carisbrook “House of Pain” in Dunedin, added: "The punishment is looking at the other 14 guys who are working their backsides off. It's the feeling that you've put the guys in a difficult position, and made things difficult for the England team. That hurts more than any punishment.

"If you don't get these things spot on, it gets to the situation when you say, 'we've got to do better next time'. You don't get next week in a World Cup."

Wilko, who scored the sudden-death drop goal which secured the World Cup at Australia 2003, returns to the starting squad in Dunedin on Saturday with fly-half rival Toby Flood of Leicester rested despite being one of the few to emerge from the Georgia victory with any credit.

England finish their pool games with a potential banana-skin – old rivals Scotland in Auckland a week later. Having given away a record 11 penalties in the first half against Georgia, Scottish kicker Chris Paterson may be the key. Defeat would probably see a quarter-final against New Zealand, a win would pit England against unloved neighbours France.

Wilko revealed exactly why defeat in Pool B is not an option: “Martin Johnson told us: 'You'll be back watching the semi-final on TV and then going out to play Newcastle away.’

"He's absolutely right. I know exactly what he was talking about because he was playing against me that day. In 1999 we got knocked out in the quarter-finals and the next weekend was possibly one of the coldest, rainiest days we had at Newcastle and we were playing against Leicester.

“He’s right, that’s how it works. World Cups are do or die. We have to make sure we don't leave ourselves in that position. We just can't afford to keep giving penalties away. That's why there's an urgency about our meetings … everyone knows that sooner or later it's going to have an effect that we can't come back from. We need to make sure we nip it in the bud before then."

Mike Tindall – presumably after a talking to from his wife Zara Phillips, who arrives in Dunedin on Friday – is also back for the Romania clash after being splashed across the English tabloids for an evening of dwarf-throwing and Kiwi-clenching after the Argentina game.

But Wilkinson believes Tindall’s indiscretion has helped rather than hindered England. He said: "That story has been massively motivational to everyone in the team.

“We are more together than ever. We understand whatever's happened has happened and a huge element is there to drive into the squad to separate us. And the guys refuse to do that. The guys are pulling tight together.

"Just because someone says some things and writes some things makes no difference. We are aiming to continue on the path we're on, which is the right one."

On the injury front, prop Matt Stevens's ankle is said to be responding to treatment, so is Alex Corbisiero's calf, while Ben Foden has a sore side. At No8 Nick Easter could yet be replaced by Leicester's New Zealand born Thomas “The Tank Engine” Waldrom.

Cueto, so nearly the World Cup winner in 2007, is ready to start on the wing after a back problem. Bath's David Wilson is expected to make his World Cup debut in the front row.

Wilko, described as a “basket case” for his obsessive kicking practice in 2003, concludes: “It’s very difficult to explain World Cups. I’ve given up trying other than just knowing, deep down, you have got to come with everything and you never know what’s round the corner.”

Why England are not the most popular nation at the Rugby World Cup. And that's putting it mildly.

It’s time for Englishmen now abed to admit what too many of us have known for too long. Poms are not the most popular of people.

And when it comes to the current Rugby World Cup in New Zealand, the Red Rose is giving off a distinctly dodgy aroma.

So far, Martin Johnson’s side have managed a narrow 13-9 win over Argentina and an unsatisfying 41-10 victory over Georgia. Next up: Romania. A win over the gypsy nation is hardly likely to lead to a burst of enthusiasm, especially with the forced eviction of travellers at Dale Farm hogging the headlines on Sky News.

Between those two unspectacular victories, Mr Zara Phillips – also known as veteran England centre Mike Tindall – managed to get a nightclub manager fired and arrested for posting a video of his wild night out with a full-breasted female Kiwi. And all this whilst his team-mates were attending a boozy dwarf-throwing contest.

Today, boss Johnson – the former World Cup-winning ogre with the joined eyebrows who has never coached a club side and exhibits few of the traits we associate with a national manager – is apparently launching a “charm offensive” to put right this awful injustice.

Lots of autograph signing, plenty of friendly media appearances, lots of sympathy for Christchurch earthquake victims. You know the sort of thing.

It ain’t gonna work. I mean, look at our history. Since the post-Roman era, the Anglo-Saxons have tended to colonise nations – just ask the local Maori historians in Wellington – rather than cuddle them. Often using weapons of mass destruction.

Before the invention of gunpowder, we used thousands of working class scruffs and quasi-religious fervour to crush the kilts out of the Irish, Scottish and Welsh. And as our proud nation developed, we chose concentration camps and machine guns to deal with the locals in South Africa, Kenya, India etc etc.

More recently, we have chosen Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya to blood our Sandhurst graduates from the playing fields of Eton and Harrow.

Not the best way to win a popularity contest. Germany aren’t at this World Cup. But France are. And the Italians. Don’t even ask.

It doesn’t help that so many of the current England squad aren’t even subjects. Matt Stevens, the little South African prop with an historic dope problem, is back from his two-year cocaine suspension to add his curious aksent to the mix.

Then there’s Shontayne Edward Hape, the 30-year-old New Zealand rugby league international born in Auckland. He played 14 games for the Kiwis before deciding he was English.

Hooker Dylan Hartley, born in Rotorua 25 years ago, is in the squad, along with Leicester's Samoan-born centre Manu Tuilagi, famous for punching England team-mates. He scored two tries against the luckless Georgians.

Kiwi centre Riki Flutey, the former Maori captain, is on stand-by to fly out, as is Saracens lock Mouritz Botha, from Vryheid in South Africa. Like the world-beating England cricket team which features South African-born Kevin Pietersen, Matthew Prior, Jonathan Trott, Jade Dernbach, Craig Kieswetter and even captain Andrew Strauss, passports tend to be overlooked in the quest for glory.

And the latest call-up? That’s New Zealander Thomas Waldrom, 27, flying in as back-up for crocked No8 Nick Easter.

Waldrom, born in Lower Hutt and nicknamed “The Tank Engine” at Leicester, has an English grandmother. Even Pietersen managed an English mother.

With Waldrom, Hape and Hartley wearing the Red Rose rather than the Silver Fern, New Zealanders may be excused for wondering what’s going on. England boasts a world-beating 166,672 registered senior players while New Zealand have just 27,374 to choose from according to the latest International Rugby Board figures.

So the least popular side at this World Cup were greeted by about 100 hardy fans at Auckland Airport at the start of the tournament. No great fanfare for the all-whites who have chosen to wear a locally-reviled all-black away strip at this World Cup.

A poll of fans in New Zealand will simply confirm what Limeys, Rooineks and Poms have always known: We are the least popular nation at this odd-shaped-ball fest.

England, once described as the “great white orcs” in the nation which gave birth to the Lord of the Rings movies, are pure evil.

Which isn’t to say they might just raise the Union Jack over this World Cup with a bit more stiff upper lip. Just wish they could do it with a little more panache.